Life

Goodbye

2011-09-27T08:17:00.001-07:00

They say the only constant thing in life is change. A powerful saying, but you may be hard pressed to disagree. Still not convinced? Well then, take a second to ponder, because I thought about it hours before I started this post and the only thing I can think of that is constant is Syahmi Aziz's hairstyle.

2010
2011
2020!?

Nah, I'm just fucking with you, he used to look like this.

Okay okay, I'll stop it, this is supposed to be a serious post.

Truth is, I thought about it hours before and thank God I'm lucky enough to say there are things that have been constant in my life for at least 7 years now. One particular thing is the fact that I've been friends with this guy since we were 12.

Sorry bai, gambar lain tak cukup umph, ini paling memorable, selain daripada patah tangan tu. hahahaha

Yeah, we may not have been the best of friends throughout the whole time, because we only became very very close(not what you think, asshole) last year, but the fact remains, I have known him longer than Arsenal's trophy drought. (hey wait, that might be the reason!)

From humble beginnings where he'd headbutt my forearm for no apparent reason, to more recent times where he'd piss the fuck out of me by bailing out or by coming very VERY VEERRYYY late, it's safe to say we've been through a lot. It's also safe to say that when he comes back, the bond will remain unchanged. It's also safe to say that next July when he comes back the same group of people who was in KLIA on Monday will be there to greet him back with arms wide open. And last but not least, it's also safe to say, that I'll be playing futsal/watching EPL games/hanging out in stadium/hanging out in any other random place we happen to come across/doing some random shit/watching movies/karaoke-ing/playing football/etc with him when he gets back.

I normally don't write emotional or heartfelt things in my blog because I prefer to keep my personal life the way it should be kept, well, personal but this one is an exception. Yes, I did not shed any tears but as an engineer would say, the amount of tears shed is not proportional to the sadness felt deep inside my heart. And since I have an ego the size of my biceps, I've not been able to muster enough courage to say words that are only said in the climax of a movie(not what you think again, asshole), so here goes. I'm saying it through another medium. And I believe I speak for the others when I say this so here goes,

Hey, I know how you...

Takde feel la pulak dalam English, it's not like I speak to him in English pun. Let's do this again,

Bai, sorry ah aku banyak marah-marah lately. Hormones la katakan. Lagipun orang lain pun buat hal, mana tak panas! (ada ke den kata demo nak show off bawak tt!?) Hahaha, but papehal pun goodluck ah kat sana, ni saja je nak drama lebih dalam blog. Macam ah takde whatsapp/twitter/skype. Sedih baii, time balik rumah, aku dalam bilik sorang2, terkenang la pulak. Background tiba-tiba pasang lagu Saleem, zaman-zaman karok kita. Hahaha. Nanti dah Alexandria first 5, boleh lawan dengan the new and improved Team Bring It. Siap ada jersey nanti baii! Adam pun dah 70 kilo! Hebat bro, hebat! Hahaha, tu je lah, tulis lebih karang ada pulak yang suspect!

In case you don't understand BM, you're missing out a lot. That was the most heartfelt words a man can ever say to another man without being deemed a homosexual. I even broke the bro code on Monday.
All for a bro.

I AM PISSED!

2011-07-14T01:10:00.001-07:00

This might be the most random blog post you'll ever read in your life, but I'm pissed off, so please bear with me. I just knocked down Isaac Frost, the bastard who's been whooping my ass since last Thursday in Fight Night : Champions, the latest boxing game by EA. That may not seem like a great feat for any of you, but before I announce my amazing achievement, go google Isaac Frost and read a lil bit about him to know what I'm talking about. Go on, whatchu waiting for. Come on, I'm not gonna wait.

OKAY. Since you're a lazy bastard, Isaac Frost is the boss in the game. He's a tank. He's a beast. He's a fucking animal. Simply put, he's unbeatable, and I just gave him a punch that brought him straight back to Disneyland.

just look at him, he looks like a freaking criminal!

Now, if that isn't impressive for you, this is. I've been tryna put his sorry ass down on the ground for 10 hours of gameplay. Not consecutive hours, but accumulated hours (i'm still sane). And I finally did it, and the difficulty was set as pro. Do you know how frustrated I am? To finally knock his sense out of him for at least 4 seconds(cause that's when he stood up) is satisfying as hell, and that's an understatement. I can't really describe how I feel. It feels like when I just got my spm results last year. I went from "omg I'm gonna shit my pants" straight to "holy hell, is this my result?" That's how I actually felt when I put that fucker down. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was one step away from succeeding. Another knock down and I'm sure that asshole wouldn't wanna get back up. I was more than halfway finished. I probably needed another uppercut straight to that cunt's jaw. But, the unthinkable happened. You wouldn't have guessed it. 30 seconds after going through the second greatest thing in my life, a cockroach flew straight at me like a bullet. I dodged, and it got my controller. Out of instinct, I threw my controller away, and stood up. In the most horrifying 5 seconds of my life, I saw the cockroach firmly looking at me, hell bent on attacking me and at the same time, I saw Isaac Frost knocking the teeth out of virtual me.

And just like that, virtual black version of me, was down on the ground, unable to answer the 10 count.

I had lost it all. All thanks to a fucking cockroach. WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE TO EXIST?!?
Bare in mind that this is a delayed post, I was supposed to post this 15 days ago when I first wrote it, and I still have yet to knock that asshole down again amidst great effort being put in. I lost my chance, the chance that only comes once in a lifetime, all thanks to a puny little creature.

Mate, you are one lucky bastard, I don't normally dedicate a post to someone, so you're probably the first person to receive that honor. I wanna take this time to personally tell you to fuck off, because you have no reason to live, your only reason for existence is to annoy the fuck out of people. Worst part of all is, you have a higher chance of surviving a nuclear bomb than me. What's the freaking point? It's not like you and your pals are gonna build cars and skyscrapers to make this world a better place. GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!

Ps : Sorry dad, I know you're reading this, but this situation warrants this much amount of profanity.

Dirty

2011-06-28T09:22:00.001-07:00

If there's one thing I've learned from my short stint in Ballbucks FC, a semi-professional football team, it's that you need to embrace the dark side in order to achieve glory.
I'm not talking in general though, cause I doubt you can play dirty to win in say, golf. That's unless if you beat up your opponent to a bloody pulp to force him to forfeit the game. So, I'm only gonna talk about football, because I've mastered the art of playing dirty to win.

Yes, I have mastered it, from tugging my opponent's shirt,
to diving to win a penalty or a foul,
all the way to constantly appealing every single decision to the ref,
I've done it all. (Though I have not been successful in appealing to the ref. The ref asked me to shut up or I'll get booked. I had no choice)

However, I would like to make it clear that I have never grabbed an opponent's balls before, because that is too disgraceful in my opinion. Plus, the ref can't really protect me, what the hell can he do if 15 raging players charge at me? Why would he wanna protect me, those players are doing him a favor by attacking me.

However, I wasn't always like this. I used to enjoy playing clean. Well, that was probably because I was 40 pounds lighter, and I wasn't even able to embrace the dark side, but I had a different mentality back then. I used to abhor all these dirty players, which is why I supported Arsenal, they played sexy football, though they were not without their faults.
Nevertheless, they were "The Invincibles" back in '04. They went a season unbeaten. They had Thierry Henry who could score from all angles. I was attracted, cause they weren't very physical, barring their captain, and probably some of the centrebacks. But they still played football that was pleasing on the eye.

Then, slowly, they started losing their players, and then their games. Fast forward 7 years from that glorious year, Arsenal have gone 5 years without a trophy, and none of their players look like they can lift 100 pounds.

Is it a coincidence?
No. The history books remember the scoreline, not how the game went down. It doesn't matter how you win, the records book remember winners, not losers. Which side are you on?

Be scared.. be very scared...

2011-06-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

As a result of the recent spike in supernatural stories that I've heard from my homeboys, partially due to the fact that we went out together to watch Karak, a horror movie about the one and only Karak highway, I've decided to try my hand at writing about my own experience with the underworld creatures. ( wow, what a complicated sentence. never mind, if you couldn't crack the code, I basically said I wanted to write about my own scary experience )

I'm gonna try something different here. There aren't gonna be any pictures, barring the clown down here. It's not gonna be your typical horror story told by me. It's gonna be a horror story told in a unique way. In a way that you've never read before. I don't really know what they call it, cause I used to skip English class cause I thought I was better than the rest of the pack, but in Bahasa they call it "Monolog Dalaman." Yeah, you get the drill.

So, turn off the lights, go to youtube and search for "The Amytiville Horror Theme Song," bring an empty bottle in case you get too scared, call your brother to accompany you, go make some popcorns, close that facebook tab of your crush, she's not even into you, and enjoy the ride...

Saturday, 4th June 2011.
Fuck this shit, I'm bored. My brother's asleep because he has to get used to waking up early, his finals starts next week. My parents are asleep too, they just got back from Bali. My maid's downstairs, what she's doing is beyond me. I bet she's asleep too. Doesn't matter, I'm enjoying this new found freedom that allows me to sleep whenever I want. I wasn't able to do this last week because of college. Now it's done, the word assignment has no place in my dictionary, it's either stuck up my ass, waiting for its turn to be pushed down to oblivion or already in the toilet bowl.

AHH SHIT, boredom gets the better of me. Being online is making me feel depressed. I refreshed twitter like 6 times in the space of one minute. I have nobody to talk to, no one's online. Not even a single chick in my online chat list. Not even a single interesting dude to talk to. Blog Serius and Oh Tidak aren't gonna be updated around this time. Foursquare doesn't allow me to check in 10 times in 1 minute. Looking at pictures of awesome cars won't make any difference in my quest to obtain them. Might as well go downstairs to look for food, at least these muscles get fueled up.

Holy shit, it's dark down there. Who the hell closed the light? Doesn't the maid know I haven't eaten the chicken she grilled for me? Fuck's sake. Better go get my iPhone, no way I'm going down there like this, I can't see a single thing. I might step on Cody (Cody is my brother's pet guinea pig) for God's sake! ( if I do this, my brother will run me down with his car until I no longer possess the ability to talk about myself anymore )

You gotta be kidding me? I paid 3000 bucks for a device that can't double as a torchlight? The only way to do that, is by putting it in video mode? Hell no, we all know cameras can capture all these supernatural shit. A, ah, no way I'm doing that. The ghost from Karak might appear on my screen and I'll be forced to drop this baby down to the ground. Hell to the no, I paid 300 bucks just to repair the screen three weeks ago, if the screen cracks again, I'm gonna be forced to work in 7 E, cause that's probably the only place they'll accept me.

So, where did I put the torchlight? Du du du du du, AHH COME ON?! It's downstairs?! Whose brilliant idea was that!? What are the odds of me being stuck downstairs trying to get upstairs at night? This isn't my day. What did I do? Is it because of the kid I called fat just now? I've always thought he was different. He looks.. suspicious. Like he might keep a doll of me at home and try to possess me with it. Oh well, screw it, I'm going down. Ain't no way some puny female ghost is gonna harm me. These guns weren't made for showing off!

Holy shit, what's that? I saw something move! I swear I saw it! Oh god, save me, sorry for missing my prayers just now. And yesterday, and the day before. And.. OKAY! I'm sorry!! What is it? What is it!?! Okay, calm down Shafiq. Probably was a gush of wind, or.. or probably a cockroach, some of them can fly. Probably this one's pissed cause I killed its Uncle Jimmy just now. I should go for the light, these things freak out when there's too much light, they only like it when it's dark.

HAAA! FUCK YOU! TOLD YOU I'D WIN! BOO YALL! No puny cockroach is gonna ruin my day! Ahh, I better go to the kitchen fast, this is tiring. Hey wait, why is the kitchen light on? Is the maid awake? If yes, then why is there no light emanating from her room? Oh well, she probably forgot about it or something, there's no such thing as ghosts, these things only exist in the movies.
There is it! The refrigerator! Ermm 100 plus, orange juice.. lalala what should I have... I should wash my hands first.

BOOM!
What the hell was that!? It came from the living room. I'm facing the other way. I don't wanna turn around.. Everybody knows that when you turn around completely, a headless monster appears right before you.. Oh boy oh boy, but I can't stand like this forever. I should take a peak from the corner of my eyes by turning my body slightly sideways.

OMG, I saw it! It's big, it's tall, slightly taller than me, my god, worse comes to worst, how am I gonna battle this being? I didn't get a good look at it though, not sure whether it has a head or not, or whether it's bleeding or not, or whether it's smiling or not, or even whether it's looking at me or not. All I know is that it's standing there motionless, waiting for my next move.
Okay.. gather my thoughts, don't panic.. Don't panic.. Think logically, it could be my mind playing tricks on me.
It's been one minute of me standing like an idiot, I should do something about it. I still know some verses from the Quran, I never skipped Islamic studies classes before.
I should turn around.
This is it.

"What the hell are you doing?"
That creature says, rather quietly. Its voice sounds familiar, but I can't really recall. It references from where it came from. This is the real deal. It's Satan in another form. I'm pretty sure of it. However I now know that this being can speak English, at least I can communicate with it. Thank god it's not one of those ghosts from the Japanese Invasion, those are brutal beings. I once heard a story from my former school guard that they march together, headless. Cool.
EH! Focus! Focus Shafiq! I'm ready. I'm ready. I can do it. I think I'm ready to battle this demonic creature. THIS IS IT!
I turn around.

-----------------------------------------------

It's my brother.

That's 10 minutes you're not gonna get back.

College

2011-05-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

After a 1-month hiatus, I am back. Well, it can't really be considered a hiatus, I blog only twice a month actually. Nevertheless, I am back by popular demand, because it's pretty obvious people have missed my stories which most of the time are exaggerated and do not make perfect sense.

But this time, it is going to be different. What I'm about to tell makes perfect sense, and is in no way made up. It's about my 10-month stint in Sunway University (formerly known as Sunway University College)

Yes, yes, I know.
"Dulu kata benci, sekarang suka lak? Buto sial kau!"
"Ni lah dia bangsa kita, kejap suka, kejap tak suka!"

Before you start bashing on me, hear me out. It's true, I used to hate the place. I used to take every opportunity to run away from the place, without being caught by my parents or brother. I even resorted to lying to my lecturer to get out of college.

"Sir, I have my driving test later, can I be excused?"
"Sir, I have to pick up my car in Glenmarie, can I leave class early?"
"Sir, I'm suffering from what appears to be the worst diarrhea in the 21st century, can I.. Sir! I gotta go!!"

Okay, the last one may be a lie, but then you get my point right?
I hated the college with a passion. For what reason?

Well, for starters, I figured that there were alot of fake people. Y'know, people with fake accents, people who kiss the lecturer's ass(not literally though), people who thought they owned the college just because they hung out with the cool clique,etc. I didn't get it, but it all started to unravel this semester.

No, I do not have a fake accent, and I do not kiss the lecturer's ass (occasionally though, if I'm desperate for marks. eg. "Hahaha! What a joke sir! You should be a comedian!") and I also know that I do not own the college. But I have learned to accept these people no matter how much I hate them because that's what it takes to survive in this society.

For example, if I acted like how I felt like at any given moment, I probably would've been sent to prison for attempted murder (yes, I do hate someone THAT much). And, if I did so, I probably would've been expelled from college.

Though some bad things have happened from me accepting this society, for example;

*dude comes within 0.5 metre of me*

"hey Ruslan (I have to accept people calling me Ruslan because the lecturer does it) , do we need to pass up this assignment?"

Now, that normally would be a routine question that can be answered by a single no, or yes, but in this guy's case, it's different. It's evident that he uses shit for his toothpaste, and I, at that moment was having difficulty breathing due to that, but I had to accept the fact that I cannot lock him in a submission hold just because he shits through his mouth, so I coolly say,

"No"
Though I was not sure whether we were supposed to pass up that assignment, because my brain was too busy processing how bad his breath was.

That was the first part, accepting the fact that not everybody are straightedge, not everybody sing songs that mock the hell out of you, yet doesn't piss you off, instead, makes you laugh for 10 minutes, not everybody can talk about absolute bullshit for one whole hour, not everybody can laugh if you just farted near them and most importantly, not everyone can understand your inside jokes.
(in case you college people find out about this blog, this is what I've been preaching for the past month or so. straightedge. go google it)

In a nutshell, you can't mold someone into being who you want them to be, and you can't show your true colors to some dude who you just knew for a month or two, assuming you guys weren't soulmates who were destined to be together. And that's what my course wants us to do(not the soulmate part). The duration of a semester is only 4 months. You can't expect someone to start blurting out his personal problems to a dude he just barely knew.

Truth be told, these people in my college are just transitional friends, people who I may or may not meet after college ends, though most likely I may not see them for the rest of my life, which makes it sort of depressing. Scratch that, I am not gonna meet these dudes whom I have spent most of my time with in the past 4 months, and there ain't a damn thing I can do about it.

I hope you guys don't find out about my blog.

On the bright side, I'm gonna be done with my foundation year.
On the.. urmm.. dark side(?), dad's gonna read this and he's gonna find out about how I skipped classes last semester.
Whatever, I still scored an A.

Hip Hop

2011-04-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

Back when I was 10, I remember vividly tuning into MTV almost daily to keep up with the new songs that the media deemed to be cool. And I accepted everything MTV threw at me, backstreet boys, Westlife, blue, NSYNC etc. (come on, just admit it, everyone loved them back then) I was such a huge fan of NSYNC, I even remember buying their album. Heck, I even remember dancing to their song. I was a kid, nothing wrong with that.

Then, something different found its way into the top 10 charts. "In Da Club," a song by a rapper called 50 cent. . Surprisingly, he got my attention, which did not please my mum too much. I was impressed with him, he got shot 9 times and is still alive and well. I barely understood what he was singing, but the song got into my head and his album become the second and last album I bought, because back then I had limited access to the internet, so the only way to listen to his songs was to get his album, and I enjoyed my purchase. Words like nigga and hoes made its way to my vocabulary and I was hooked up with hip hop music. (I thank God I never used the 'n' word back then because I had an African friend who was my age when I was in primary school. He loved Fiddy too) I was even influenced by the way he dressed up. I looked stupid with my oversized tees but back then society accepted it. If I try it now I'll probably be laughed at. He was jacked back then, which probably was one of the reasons I ventured into bodybuilding. (not really bodybuilding, I don't juice myself up with testosterones, that shit's crazy)

But hip hop got to me, and I started listening to other hip hoppers, or in other words, rappers.

Then, I started listening to Eminem, and I became a huge fan. This guy was different, he was white but he talked and acted like he was black. And I was able to understand what he was saying, but didn't realize how deep his messages were because I was too young. I wasn't able to decipher what he meant. That's why I became such a massive fan, I even memorized some of his songs. That might sound like nothing but try memorizing a hip hop song and if you tell me it was easy, I'll show you a liar. Then, rock music found its way into my head, and I neglected rap, severing all ties with it. I denied having any history with rap and joined the likes of avenged sevenfold and guns n roses in the rock n roll express. I turned my back on hip hop music. Oversized tees were discarded, and replaced with tight fitting clothes designed to show off the muscles I had work so hard to gain. Baggy jeans were thrown away, replaced with normal jeans that most normal people wear. Muscle tees were a staple in my closet. I had just made the transition from being Lil' Shaf to M.Shafiq (based on avenged sevenfold's vocalist, M.Shadows)

*for the record, I never called myself Lil' Shaf, I just put that in to emphasize the seriousness of the transition

Then, for years, I was away from rap. I listened to all kinds of shit, classic, rock, blues, etc. But now, I have returned to my roots. I am officially a hip hop fan, again. This does not mean the death of XS-sized tees, I still wear them on a daily basis, but I have came back to the hood that I once grew up in (this actually does not make any sense at all)

What made me came back, you ask?
As some of you might know, I am a songwriter, for stupid songs designed to poke fun at my friends. After producing several songs (mostly pop or rock), I decided to switch genres. I decided to rap about my friends, dissin' them in the process. But I found it difficult. I found it impossible to do without picking up a pen and jotting down the lyrics before I sang it. It was impossible to remember the lyrics I had created myself, even though I'd done that plenty of times before this.
And by the time I reached the second verse, I was, for the first time in my life, out of ideas.

How could this be?
A guy who talks crap and tells lie like it's counting 1 to 10 can't think of words to diss his homies?
I was clueless as to what to write, so I went online, and typed Eminem, and a few of my favourite songs came out. This was when I truly appreciated how hard it was to create songs which consists of more than 300 words out of nothing. On top of that, the words had to rhyme!

But, I wasn't gonna side down and wallow,
crying buckets in my sorrow,
because Eminem was one tough act to follow,
instead, I put on my swagger,
still holding onto my wagger,
and started talking like a nigger.

Damn I still have it.

11/3/11, the day my soul died

2011-03-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

Day 1

If you are reading this, then I have survived a tsunami scare, and I am still alive come 13/3/2011. This is not a joke, this is a real life ordeal I'm going through and I am blogging to try and get my brain tired enough to sleep. I am alone on this island, pulau perhentian. Well, not really alone, but I am without my friends. I'm only accompanied by my diving instructor and my diving colleagues. I was supposed to come here with my brother but he had to cancel at the very last minute because of his classes.

I have just reached this island and I've successfully completed two dives before my dive colleague informs me of the tsunami in japan. At first I was unfazed but the response from my dive colleagues slightly worries me. My worrying is put to an all time high as I go on twitter where everyone is talking about the tsunami. Scared, I walk out to find Jimmy, a dude who can smell rain, staring straight into the sea. While in my view, nothing's different, he shakes his head, in disbelief. Puzzled, I asked him what's wrong. He tells me that he has never seen the waves coming so far away from the beach, which is an indication of the calm before the storm. That's when I finally realize that where I'm standing now might be my tombstone. I give my mum a call because I received two missed calls from her. I inform her that nothing's wrong because the thing that I least want to do now, is worry my friends and family.

Now, how the hell can I go to bed when the waves are coming in just meters away from my room.( my room is only 10 metres away from the beach) So that leaves me here, all alone in my room waiting for the grim reaper to come in the form of giant waves, if he is coming. If not, then I am going to be under massive psychological stress for the next two days. How am I going to die exactly if the waves come? Struct on the head by a massive object? Or drown to death helplessly. Is it possible that i hang on to something solid until the waves depart? Or is that wishful thinking? Thoughts creep to my head like maggots. It's times like these where you start thinking of your loved ones. And in these times of desperation, you can't help but to think of God, for He is the one who determines when I die and how I'll die, and it's no surprise that I am praying to Him now. I'm going to bed now, in hopes of waking up tomorrow at the same place I am now.

Day 2

I'm still alive. I was awoken by the worst rain ever recorded in pulau perhentian's history. The waves cause massive erosion to the ground and there is a long mini-river created just beside the dive shop as a result. I am officially freaking out. I better go hang out with the rest, I don't wanna die alone.

My dive buddy informs me that the state of alert has been lifted! Bastards, didn't even tell me that there was a state of alert demanding people to stay away from the beach. You cannot imagine how I feel now. The relief I felt when I completed my SPM pales in comparison to the relief I felt when he informed me of the news. I am going to survive.

Day 3.

I am alive and I now have my diving license. Two days ago I thought I was going to die on this island and I created this post because I had trouble sleeping. Actually, I did die, only on the inside. I had lost the will to live and I was thinking of what I deem important in life. The faces of my friends and family came up and now I have a new view on life. Yes, we should live our lives to the fullest but that does not mean that we can neglect our responsibilities, to our friends, our parents, and most importantly, to God, for He can take away anything He desires at the moment when you least expect it.

I thank you for bearing with me throughout this whole post as I understand it is a huge wall of text, and no one loves reading long posts without pictures, but I am trying to make a point, this isn't a laughing matter. I also understand that this isn't even a remarkable story. There was no tsunami. I wasn't even attacked by anything. I was merely shown that I could die at any moment and that was enough to make me think about life again, and value the little things in life.

WWE

2011-03-04T23:20:00.000-08:00

When I was much younger, I secretly harbored hopes of becoming a professional wrestler.
No shit.
The funny thing is, I truly believed that one day that was gonna happen. I truly believed that I was gonna be in the same ring with my favourite Superstars, The Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin.I truly believed I was gonna bask in the glory when the fans were chanting my name.

I even truly believed that I was gonna hoist the WWE title high above my shoulders.
Heck I even created my own finisher, and I did not tell anyone of that finisher because I was afraid that people might go Zuckerberg on me. ( in case you live under a rock and you have yet to watch The Social Network, Zuckerberging someone means stealing their idea )

That wasn't the craziest thing I did when I was a kid to prepare myself for life in the WWE. Among other things I did was create a new name because the wrestlers at that time all had names to compliment their persona. (eg. Triple H, , Mankind, Kane and The Big Show among the biggest names.) Of course, as a kid, ridiculous names came to my mind, I can't even remember them myself.

I was all set to become a WWE Superstar. The only thing holding me back was my mother, who wouldn't allow me to watch the show as she deemed it too violent for a 7 year old. Who could blame her? There were blood everywhere at that time,
explicit words were thrown around without censor,
and the WWE Divas were baring their chest without shame.

But that wasn't enough to deter me. I watched the show secretly without her knowledge, changing the channel whenever she came or walked by. That was how determined I was.

Then, the unthinkable happened.

Few years into my journey in wrestling, my brother told me that wrestling was fake. I laughed it off, defending the show with all my heart. How could it be fake? How could you fake a chair shot to the head? How could you fake blood gushing through a man's skull? How could you fake a 20-feet fall from the top of the cage?

My brother, being the elder brother, chose to hide the ugly truth from me. He knew it was fake from the very beginning. But he was doing the right thing. He was protecting his brother from pain. How could he break the news to an innocent 7- year old? How could he break the heart of his own younger brother. That's the equivalent of telling someone that they saw that person's girlfriend with another man. (okay that's a terrible metaphor, but you get my point right?)

But it was inevitable. It was only a matter of time before I found out.

Slowly then, I realized that wrestling was indeed fake, which broke my heart. I couldn't bare the idea that the show that I loved so much was fake. I couldn't take the fact as I slowly turned my back on the whole show, choosing to watch football instead. ( this may sound like a stupid question, but football isn't fake right!? )

Until, the unthinkable happened again.

10 years later, when one of the greatest performer in the world, The Most Electrifying Man In Sports Entertainment, The Great One, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson returned, when my love for the company rekindled.
Seven years after his last appearance on WWE, he returned. Seven years after I stopped becoming an avid follower, he returned. Seven years. That's how long he's been gone. And you'd expect him to be a lil bit rusty on the mic, or you'd expect him to carry a lil bit of love handles, yet no. He's the exact same person before he left.

He provided what the show has been missing since he left, entertainment. There's no point in telling me that wrestling is fake now, I already now it, but you can't deny the fact that it is indeed entertaining when someone gets smoked by the other. And that was what I was treated to.

He ripped apart other people without any signs of rust, using most of his catchphrases at the same time. The crowd roared just at the sight of him. It was the greatest 20 minutes of TV I have seen since.. since.. Heck, it was the greatest 20 minutes of TV ever! It brought a sense of nostalgia to me and my best friend, who's followed me throughout this whole journey. It was like the 90's again for us.

Without even noticing it, I find myself watching the show again in admiration of The Rock and what he will do. Before I know it, I'm again a part of the whole WWE Universe, with a smile on my face.

Satan

2011-02-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

It has been said that we are all embroiled in a battle with Satan since our very birth. This has been happening for ages, even since the beginning of time. And I am no exception to this rule.

In the year 2007, I lost my battle against Satan. He led me to the world of DotA.Yes folks, I was once one of you. I was just an ordinary human, like all of you. I succumbed to Satan.
Many say it stands for Dunia Orang Takde Awek, but that's just an understatement. It stands for more than that. It effectively took away my life for 8 long months. My relationship with DotA was the only true relationship I've ever had. I lived for DotA back then, my life was full of her.

Even in school, all I talked about was DotA. In tuition, in the car, at home, at shopping malls, you name it. She was everything I ever talked about. I was the epitome of an online gamer back then. My dictionary consisted of the words noob, pawn and imba. I didn't take care of myself well, I didn't play sports, heck, I didn't even study, which was my ultimate downfall. As a result, I only managed to get 4 A's for my PMR. That, by no means is considered stupid, but I am the product of two doctors, which means that I should be a freaking genius by now. But I'm not, and DotA is the sole reason behind that.

But I still thank DotA for everything she did. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have realized how I would be in deep shit if I didn't score for a major exam. That was the turning point, that was how I realized that she was no good for me. That was when I realized I had to end the relationship. And I did it. It was hard, probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I managed to do it.

Now, I, Muhammad Shafiq, have been clean from DotA for 1032 days.

But that's not the end of my battle with Satan.

Satan had a few tricks up his sleeve. Satan was pissed by the fact that I left DotA's grasps. He was pissed by the fact that I clawed my way out of the 7th level of Hell straight back into the surface of this Earth.
Satan then proceeded to offer me his second weapon, which has took many of my friends by storm. He offered cigarettes. Yes, he literally handed it to me in the form of Marlboros, SKLs, and even Gudang Garams.
For good measure, he even made sure the people who are branded as cool smoked as well.
I wasn't impressed. I didn't even look at it, as I said Tak Nak to those cigies which had people going crazy over it.

Then, Satan introduced me to the world of shuffle.
Most of my friends again succumbed to the power of Satan and they followed suit. They were shuffling as well.
And Satan almost got me this time. I admit, I thought shuffling was cool back then. Yes, I thought that if you move your legs as if someone put a cockroach in your pants was cool back then. I almost got myself into it, if it wasn't for divine intervention. God had other plans for me. In order to stop me from returning back to the depths of Hell, He devised a massive plan.

On one sunny day, while I was drinking my Iced Chocolate, He, unbeknown to me, slipped a mysterious pill into the drink. The pill had a special purpose, it's purpose was to make sure that I sweat excessively, worse than any other human being. And so far it's served it's purpose. I sweat more than any other human being. Even more than Mark Henry.
Don't believe me? Step inside a sauna with me then you'll know.
Just like that, God had ended my shuffling career for good before it even began.

Then Satan tried everything else. He threw everything in his arsenal. Booze, drugs, clubs, laughing gases. All were countered with a swift no, much to Satan's disappointment. Satan then decided to go for a despairing attack, when he threw the Iphone and the Blackberry simultaneously at me.
Again, I wasn't interested, instead opting to use my brother's old Nokia 5800 ExpressMusic.

Until one day...

When I was taking my bath, Satan placed that phone inside the bathroom without my knowledge. And in a fatal incident, I inadvertently killed my phone when I accidentally threw her into a tub of water. I tried to resuscitate her, to no avail. She had died on the spot.
With her gone, I did the unthinkable...

I bought the Iphone 4, and I have never looked back since.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have finally conceded defeat to Satan. He now has me in his grasps, after a lengthy battle.

Ps : Only 50% is true.
Ps 2 : You have just wasted 10 minutes of your life reading a post that could've been summarised as
"I bought an Iphone guys!"

death

2011-02-02T11:35:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, I witnessed the death of a 2 and a half year old toddler, and I nearly shed tears.
Yes, Muhd 'John' Shafiq nearly cried, and I haven't cried in a year. (that was when my grandmother passed away. really sad occasion) The funny thing is, I don't even know the deceased, or even his/her parents. Yeah, that's right, I don't even know the gender of the toddler.

Yet, just by looking at her (let's just call it her, i don't wanna waste my time typing him/her. and, if it's a her you'll feel more sympathetic. just saying. shit, i've just wasted my time typing this) mother's reaction, it was enough to make me emotional, and I am not an emotional man. In fact, my brother once called me a heartless bastard. (okay, maybe not once, maybe a couple of times. Okay, maybe not a couple of times, most of the time. and if he calls me a bastard, he's one too. doesn't make any sense at all.)

And who am I to disagree with him calling me that? I laugh at the mass murder of people in movies. I didn't even cry when Jack sacrificed his life for Rose in Titanic. I even called it bullshit, no man would do that for a girl he'd only known for three days.

And yet again, why do I find myself holding back tears at that sight?
(in case you're wondering, that isn't me)

On paper, it doesn't seem so sad. Kid dies and the mother cries while I wait for my turn to get treatment. But it was the exact opposite.
Words can't express how emotional it was, especially for the mother, whose hands were trembling before the doctor informed her of the news. I didn't know what was happening at that time. I had just came back from my college and was in a celebratory mood, I was entering my first and only week-long break of the semester.

I was even quite pissed that there were so many people in the clinic because I wanted to go home early. Eventually, that feeling of anger turned into confusion, why were there so many people at this time? They didn't even look at me when I entered the clinic, instead all eyes were on the mother, who was praying.

It was after the announcement of the baby's death, that I finally understood the situation. The reaction of the mother clearly told the whole story.

She was crying, and pleading to the doctor to revive her. But what could the doctor do? The baby passed away even before she reached the clinic. (it was a clinic. the closest clinic to the parents' house) She was on her knees, calling Allah's name for help to no avail. The baby had officially passed away in the arms of an unfortunate doctor who has only experienced this two times in her life, this being the second. She didn't know what to do, the mother was inconsolable. She had just lost the baby she had been caring for for the past few years to an unfortunate accident.

I only managed to catch a glimpse of the father, who unlike his wife, wasn't in tears but you could tell by his face that he was devastated.
(in case you were wondering, this isn't the father)
He was holding the body of his dead child in his hands.
Even another patient who was totally unrelated to the toddler shed tears at that sight.

If you thought The Notebook or Titanic was sad (wuss), watch this, a life being taken away.

It made my situation look like a small dot on an A4 paper. I was suffering from a minor coughing problem.

This is actually a drafted post, but I couldn't finish it the day after. I finished this post the week after. The main point of the post was to tell the whole world that I am trying to change to be a better Muslim. I even made a vow to my brother that I'll come out a changed man. One week on and I'm still the same man. I even missed this week's Friday prayers.

Fuck. (god damn it, I'm still cursing)

Name

2011-01-28T10:12:00.000-08:00

What's in a name? What does your name mean? Why do we have to follow a certain set of rules?

eg : an Indian guy won't be named Chin Peng and a Malay guy won't be named Gunasekaran. And more importantly, what does my name mean, and how did I get it?

ps : if Chin Peng sounds familiar, it's that communist guy.

taiko mamat ni

ps 2 : if gunasegaran sounds familiar, then most probably you play futsal/football in usj20.

Most people think, that if someone converts to Islam, he or she must be named Muhammad or Nur. That ain't true. You can retain your old name if you prefer to. The change of name is common because people want to show other people that they've changed their religion.

Unless of course, your first name is Christian or Jesus , then yeah, I think it's a good idea to change your name.

Which is why, it's okay that I use the name Muhd 'John' Shafiq in Facebook. It doesn't mean I'm not a Muslim, though I have been asked of my religious beliefs once. For your information, my real name is Muhammad Shafiq bin Ruslan. I opted to not use that because the name Shafiq is too common. I have a few Shafiqs as friends, which I find very weird. Whenever I call their name, it feels like I'm calling myself.

In fact, a lot of people I know think my real name is Muhd 'John' Shafiq. Some people even call me John. And, I'm thinking of letting my teacher call me that, because he, for some unknown reason, can't pronounce Shafiq, and decided to call me Muhammad Ruslan. In case you don't know, calling me that basically means you're calling my dad. Muslims generally don't have a surname, so it's not okay for you to call me that. In fact, it's kind of weird.

The funny thing is that, it's not uncommon for that to happen.

Osama bin Laden actually isn't his real full name. He has a few bins before the Laden. Which means that Laden is probably his great great granddad. And for some reason, the Americans decided to commercialize his name as Osama bin Laden. So for no apparent reason, the great great granddad gets the blame for what his great great grandson did. It's not like he had anything to do with it. If my great great grandson killed elderly people, it's not my fault!

Same thing happens to Malaysian artists! Awie is known as Awie Wings, and Amy is known as Amy Search because of their respective bands. Not that I'm against it, but if I somehow have a band in the future, I don't want my last name to be the name of my band! Especially because, knowing myself, the name of the band would be ridiculous.

Going back to the main topic, this means, I can name my kids whatever I want to name him or her, no matter how ridiculous it may sound. My homeboy is set on what to name his son. He wants to name his son Ibrahimovic, after the footballer. I thought he was joking around, but through my little research of names, I found out that it is indeed possible to do so.

Oh, in case you're still wondering, the main point of this post is that I may have to name my son Chong Wei, after our national badminton hero,

world no.1 bai

because I lost a bet to my friend. I'm just tryna point out that it's actually okay to name your son a name that doesn't sound like your race/religion.

And sorry future wife, it's just something that you'll have to accept.
Hey, you signed up for it! It's not my fault!

Machete

2011-01-11T09:42:00.000-08:00

I just watched Machete, a movie in which the hero kills people with relative ease, and then proceeds to kill the main baddie, who is an old man who looks like a bad-ass, but he can't really fight. Yeah, that type of movie. You've seen that a hundred times. Inglourious Basterds, Expendables, Freddy vs Jason ( okay, this might not be in the same category, but there's alot of unnecessary killings) and Rambo. And I laughed my ass off.
yeah, I laughed, until I struggled for breath, when the hero thrust a knife straight through a man's heart, and then pushed the knife in an upward direction to leave the man looking like unzipped pants. And I also laughed when the hero stabbed a villain because he wanted to take out his intestine in order it as a rope to go down a floor of a building (yes, that's exactly what he did. and, a man's intestine is 60 feet long if you were to stretch it out) . AND I also laughed when the hero made a 360 turn and brutally decapitated four men who were standing around him. Okay, the last part was supposed to be funny... I guess?

My brother thinks I'm crazy for laughing at those parts. But, I don't know, those scenes seem bloody funny to me. I mean, there's nothing funny about taking another person's life, but the movie makes it seem as if it's no big deal. I think that's why it's funny. I mean, don't you find this funny?
yes, that's true. That really is Brad Pitt. And yeah, you're eyes isn't deceiving you, I uploaded THIS picture,a picture of a man who's about to bust the brains of another helpless man with a baseball bat. Call me psychotic, but I did get a good laugh from what happened after this screenshot. And yes, that's exactly what happened, the guy kneeling died from multiple shots to the head.

My brother thinks I'm gonna end up as a serial killer, but I have no explanation as to why I find the killing of another person in a movie funny. Not at all of them though, I did shed tears when Goku was killed by Cell because he wanted to save his family and friends.
God, that part just gets me everytime I watch it.

Maybe I am psychotic. But, come on!
Don't tell me you didn't even chuckle?!

The List

2010-12-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

It's 3.40 a.m. in the morning. I'm out in the living room all by myself. The only thing accompanying me is this weird cockroach that's been staring at me since 3.00 a.m. just now, and I'm slightly terrified by it. I'm ridiculously bored, and I promised myself that I'll compile a list of life goals to achieve before I die, so here goes. It's an unfinished list as of 4.00 a.m, today, the 24th of December 2010. Holy shit, I checked the date. I've totally lost track of time. This is so random. And hopefully I'll check this regularly. Oh and if you have any suggestions of what to do, feel free to drop a comment. Oh and I don't want all those gay craps like get married etc, cause everyone does that. I want things that have only been done by a small percentage of the people in this world.

watch wrestlemania live ( )
drive a ferrari ( )
walk up Batu Caves... with Syahmi ( )
buy a sports car with my own money ( )
learn another language ( )
watch an arsenal match live in a stadium ( x )
watch a liverpool match live in a stadium ( )
watch a chelsea match live in a stadium ( x )
watch a MU match live in a stadium ( x )
get an advanced scuba diver's license ( )
enter the amazing race ( )
watch the sun set ( )
watch the sun rise ( )
go to a rock concert (x)
watch wings/search live (x)
watch the world cup live in a stadium ( )
sky dive ( )
appear on tv ( )
appear in the newspaper ( x )
grow a rocking beard ( )
own a sweet ass mullet ( )
be in a desert ( )
learn boxing ( )
join a marathon ( )
have washboard abs ( )
bench press my own weight ( x )
sport a ridiculous 'fro ( x )
shoot a gun ( )
bungee jump ( )
act in a movie/commercial ( )
be a trending topic on twitter ( )
go up in a hot air balloon ( )

The Pyramid

2010-12-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

This sucks. How times have changed. I remember a few years back, the days where going to Sunway Pyramid was the most anticipated event of the month, if not year. It was symbolic. It meant celebration. After every exam, be it mid-term of final, you could meet every high school teenager there. Just stepping foot in the mall put the smile on my face back then. Heck, I even remember planning on what to wear to go there. On one occasion, I wore a vest and a t-shirt, because I was so inspired by Adam Levine in "Wont' Go Home Without You."
Now, it's all different. I pass by the place everyday in my life, and if I wanted to, I can go there everyday. Going there needs no careful planning anymore when last time, we held up meetings on how to get there, what time to be there, where to meet,etc. To make matters worse, I wore my football attire yesterday while I was getting my tax renewed there. Now, that may seem like nothing but it sort of points out that the place is no longer a place where you had to respect the dress code, which at that time was to dress your best. It's no longer a symbol of joy. Heck, it only carries Freemasonic symbols now!
Look at the lion's eyes. Doesn't it scare the shit out of you? I mean, what if it moves? And notice the pyramid at the back there, there's another pyramid at the top of it. According to my friend, that's where they have some symbols of Illuminati.The all-seeing eye.

Now I'm not saying that you should never step foot in that place, because that would be hypocritical of me because I'll be going there on the 25th of December for one of the greatest concerts ever, but it's just... you'll have to google on that shit to know more. And I'm not saying that I believe in this Illuminati/Freemason but it's very entertaining. And why are the signs everywhere? And how the hell did Jay- Z become big? Whenever I think of him I always wonder, how the hell did he get Beyonce to marry him.

Back to my main point.

When I was 15 I thought working in Pyramid was the best thing that could happen to me. To spend my days there, in a place where I can meet all my friends on a daily basis because most of them spent their time there. And, to eat the Nasi Ayam from the food court. Don't know why but I used to love that.
But as the saying goes, "too much of a good thing is a bad thing," I have learned it the not-so-hard way and I thank God for not allowing me to work there at that time. And as a matter of fact, that quote is so damn true.

There you have it, my rant on how a place which used to be labeled as something as great as probably Tuckahoe Funland, which is a magic factory where dreams are made, becoming a shadow of what it used to be.

I think I'm depressed.

Betrayal

2010-11-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

I once read a great quote that stated ;

it takes a big man to forgive others, but it takes an even bigger man to confess and ask for forgiveness.

and by God, I have lived by that principle for a very long period of time. And yes, for a long period of time I have been happy to forgive other people. I've been tolerating and putting up with other people's shit for the larger part of my life. It wasn't until a few months back that I realized that I've gotta stop taking abuse from other people just to make them happy. It doesn't make any sense. I've been sacrificing myself for others. Your mind and body can only take so much before you explode into a rage and you let it all out.

Thank God, I haven't.

Thus, these quotes aren't really true if you think about it in other ways.
Is it okay, if I raped your daughter, and I asked for your forgiveness? That's probably going overboard, but I'm pretty sure you get my point. Quotes don't always make sense, and once you listen to other great quotes, the other ones seem ridiculous to live by.

I came across this one today.

Lovers have a right to betray you... friends don't. - Judy Holliday

Took awhile for me to ponder on this one, before finally realizing that this is quite possibly the greatest quote ever.
I might be wrong on that last sentence. The romantics and the newly-weds are probably screaming for my head now, but everyone has their own opinion.

Actually, the main cause of this whole issue is actually the violation of The Bro Code.

Yes, it might be comical for you, but the content of this book actually makes perfect sense. In the event of a violation of a code set forth in this book, a Bro can be seriously affected by the actions of the other Bro. Especially code no.1. Read up on it if you don't wanna upset your friends.

You know, experience is a shitty teacher. It gives the test first, then only the lesson. Yet, that's what makes you remember it for a very long time, if not the rest of your life. And I have experienced something I'd like to call betrayal.

Why? Because betrayal starts with trust. The only way you can be betrayed is by trusting the other. And I did. There's no reason not to. We all had the greatest holiday one can ever imagine. Yet, in just a short period of time, it's gone. A very short one I might add.

It's shocking. A very shocking revelation. Makes a great plot twist to a tv series, but this is reality. There are no happy endings. Happy endings are reserved for movies.
The thing that baffles me the most, is that I am not angry. I am not angered by the events that have taken place. I am more disappointed by it. That's the right word.

Disappointed.
And right now, I'm the worst person you'd wanna disappoint.

Raya.

2010-09-27T00:18:00.000-07:00

After living for 18 long years, I've finally understood the meaning of Raya.

When I was younger, I thought 'twas all about receiving the Benjis. Of course, it's a good side of Raya. Everyone's loaded, the wish list gets cancelled off one by one,the guessing of how much money there is in the envelope and of course, the priceless look on the face of the Raya money recipient. Don't get what I mean in the last part?

Eg.
I look stupid, but it's actually my dapat-duit-raya-from-uncle face. (it's a tough look to pull. you wanna look surprised, yet you're not. and you wanna look embarrassed, yet inside you're releasing a huge roar of joy) Or if you wanna put it into words "eh! uncle! susah-susah je, bagi makan pon dah cukup dah!" But everyone knows that's a huge lie. My mind completely contradicts what I say. Nevertheless, thank you Uncle Aziz! And all the other uncles who gave me money.

But then again, Raya is not all just that. I might be hypocritical to say that, because I spend most of the time in my hometown in my room. But I actually have a valid reason for it this year. I was struck with the worst ever diarrhea. No shit, I was scared of travelling back because of it. But then again,I still came out of the room at night to watch TV or to eat. And I even played football with my cousins, who I didn't even know existed until last last week. So,you can call that socializing with the kampung people, I'm sure my mum's proud of me!

In fact, I watched 3 Malay movies during raya, a feat which I would've not achieved two years back. I actually used to hate Malay movies and songs, so that's actually a huge achievement on my part.

Back to my main point, these moments are the moments we treasure. Meeting back your homies (and your cousins) after a long time, and to realize that they haven't changed even a bit. They still find a fat 12-year old kid hilarious, even though he does nothing. They even produce songs about him. Even the sight of him makes us laugh. Even a sad advertisement is portrayed as funny by us, though I actually found it sad at first viewing. But then again, it's still funny as hell once you look at it from another man's perspective.

The funny thing is that, we're the only ones laughing. Other people don't get our joke. I don't blame them though. It's ridiculous to look at it from a neutral perspective.

Nevertheless, I miss Raya already, though it's technically still the month of Raya, but the mood has gone away.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a candid photo. Shows how great actors we really are.
I miss Raya!

in case you were wondering about the advertisement.

Shafiq's cravings

2010-08-25T02:44:00.000-07:00

This will not be a proper blog post. It's more like a diary. No no no, it's like a journal. No, that's not the suitable word. It's sort of a reminder,yeah I think that's how you put it. A reminder of the things I'm craving for at this moment,so that I have something to do when I'm bored as hell and my homeboys are here.

Yeah,I've got weird cravings this month. It's probably because this is the only month where I don't give a damn about what I eat. Well,not really, I still look at what I eat. I won't eat shit or drink piss. What I really meant was I watch my diet any other month. Call me gay but at least I'm not 350 lbs. Well urm, I still take care of what I eat but it's less disciplined. Gimme a break man

Holy shit, I sound like a pregnant lady. Ahh,fuck that.

I want
But at this rate, Baskin Robbins would do
Anyone knows the best waffles in Subang?
Urmm hey don't blame me. I searched all over Taipan for this yesterday night. At 11.30pm.

Holy shit I'm hungry as hell
Show me someone who didn't crave for this after watching the movie and I'll show you a liar
It's been a while
Shit,why did I write this post again?

Anyways, sorry if I caused you to break fast earlier. It's not my fault you're reading my blog. Byebye

Oblong

2010-08-16T22:38:00.000-07:00

I am surviving college life. But I'm not enjoying it,that's the shitty part. Somehow I really miss my pre-college life. Scratch that,make it the life I had 3 months ago when all my homeboys were here. That was the time where if I wanted to go to Malacca for lunch I could've done it with just a few phone calls. Not that I've ever done it,but you get the point,right? Now, even a simple outing to Sunway Pyramid is difficult to plan due to us having responsibilities. I hate it, I hate having commitments,especially to something I'm not interested in.

It's always said that you have to lose something to appreciate it, and now freedom isn't something that's mine. It's like Katy Perry's 'Thinking of You.'

Once you've had the best,every other thing you get,you'll compare it to the best. Worse thing is,everything reminds me of that time,even the gay guy selling kebabs in Pyramid. Because of that,it's hard to look at him. No shit.

In Katy Perry's case,the best is this.
Something that amuses me given the fact that she can choose from millions of men out there.

I'm starting to think that my bro life is going downhill from here. It's unlikely that we will have holidays the same time, and it's unlikely that I will study at a place where my bros are at. Given the fact that my business is currently suffering a plateau,and it's unlikely to get out of that plateau because it's supposed to peak at this week due to the start of the English Premier League,life doesn't seem interesting for me. In fact,it's kinda dull for a few reasons,number one being that for my English oral presentation I'm grouped with a Vietnamese guy who addresses himself as Mr.[N]gau in every single message he sends to me. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that he does not speak English?

Reason number two is, I might have to learn to speak the Vietnam language if I want to end up with high marks for this assignment.

Actually,I'm just shitting you.

I need a getaway. Yeah, just one month into college but it's boring as hell. I need something to get my mind off things

I need a movie. A good movie. One that makes me think about it for a month. Inception was good,but I need a dvd of it to analyse everything. I used to do that for every movie I watched. On second thoughts, why not?

College

2010-08-03T02:11:00.000-07:00

Sorry for abandoning this blog for almost a month,I've been busy with stuffs. Prior to college, I didn't really know how it felt like to be busy. I used to waste my time reading up on articles that are of no use to myself in the near future. Sites like askmen.com and JustAGuyThing are bookmarked on my comp for that reason.

Who knows,they might be useful when I grow up. Knowing where's the G-spot and how to sell your product are useful things. Speaking of selling products,I'm selling off football club jerseys. In case any of you are interested you can leave a message in my chatbox or you can just leave a comment here.

Just a sample of the ugliest jersey ever. But,it looks original. Not really original though,just that you can't tell the difference. And oh yeah,if you want the original one I'm selling it too. Ya know what,just leave a message,makes things easier.

Anyway, I've officially gotten used to college life,which is the main reason as to why I'm busy at the moment. And college life is far from what I expected, people don't go crazy when I smile at them,I'm not the president of Sunway,nor am I the captain of Sunway football team,and girls don't smile when they look at me.

No,I'm just shitting you,I did not expect all that. I have my expectations yet I refuse to state it here. One sad thing is, I don't look like this anymore :'( .
In case you're wondering,I smiled like that on purpose. Don't think I was tryna look my best. That's so un-Shafiq-like.

I'm still basically the same person. I'm still straightedge, I don't go to clubs, I'm still 68 kilos and so on. I might badmouth people more,but that's because most of my classmates don't understand Bahasa,so that's understandable.

If there's one thing that's changed about me, is probably the music I listen to. Unfortunately,peer pressure got to me. Sorry guys but I now listen to
I'm just shitting you. I don't like their music. But.. it kills me to say this but I kinda like Situasi.

Holy shit.

Changes

2010-07-13T02:40:00.000-07:00

A wise man once said,life is all about making changes. Through changes we become stronger,mentally if not physically. Basically,it's all about moving on. And I've made alot of changes in life. Some easier done than the others. For example,I went from this
fat little boy who only knows how to eat and play video games,to this
sadistic,cold murderer.

Yeah,one of the changes I'm forced to make is enter college and leave a life with no responsibility. Of course,it's really really tough but I can't live my life like that forever. It had to end,and it did end last week. The result? I was depressed for a week but now I'm starting to swallow the fact that I have to do this.

Last week,I thought this was the most challenging thing I've to face in my life. End my 7-month holiday and enroll in a course where 80% of the students are foreigners. Of course,that just makes it harder. I'm forced to speak formally every now and then,which makes me look like I'm acting. But,that's also a good thing,because most of the people don't understand BM,so I can just bad mouth them right in front of them,and they won't know one shit about it.

Anyways,as mentioned before,I'm forced to overcome yet another big obstacle. That is,going from this
David Arumugam look alike to this
Holy shit I miss my hair already :'(

ToyStory

2010-06-26T10:14:00.000-07:00

Who would've thought watching Toy Story 3 would bring the soft side in me. Yes,it did,but only after 2 days,after I've realized my homeboys Adam and Sarah won't be living in Subang Jaya anymore. And on a side note,a wise person once said,everyone has their soft side,some choose to show it,some don't.

At first,it was kinda funny,the fact that they cried (I'm not gonna reveal who) watching a movie meant for kids. But then,after awhile,it got into me. A realization that I can never be the kid who enjoys playing with toys,without a care in the world,really hit me hard. I guess that's the message they were trying to convey. Deep down inside all of us,we all wished we were kids. Kids who don't have to care about their weight,their looks,the fact that they're shitting their pants,etc.

I always claim to be shame-free. Indeed,some things back that statement,for example, the fact that my facebook picture was this.*this was 2 days ago,and I didn't do it,Firdaus did*

Now,tell me,if you didn't know who I was,would you approve me as a friend?
I bet the answer's no,because ;
i) you're scared you'd get eaten alive.
ii) you're scared you'd get raped
iii) you're scared you'll turn into a zombie

And if you said yes,I'm guessing you've seen 28 weeks later and you thought I'm one of the zombies.
Back to our main topic. Though alot of things don't seem to embarrass me,I am not immune to that emotion. I'd get embarrassed if I got caught playing with Barbie dolls,something my friend enjoys doing in his pastime.

Coupled with the fact that I'm starting my college next week,this really is a sad phase for me. My friends going only exaggerates the level of sadness. With my play list comprising of sad songs like You've Got a Friend In Me and Separuh Jiwaku Pergi,let me have a moment or two to bask in this sadness.
Don't we all wish we were him? :'(

Dragon

2010-06-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

Seems like I've lost my passion in blogging (as if I was passionate before this). Nowadays, blogging seems more like a liability than something I do for fun. Makes me feel as if updating this blog was an assignment,rather than a hobby.

Not only that,I've ran out of ideas of things to do. I've been to virtually everyplace there is to go in this state,minus Batu Caves,which I plan on visiting in the near future. The only thing on my list of things to do now is to go fishing with my mates in Lake View. Ironically,that was inspired by a Malay movie I watched recently.
Baik Punya Cilok. Yeah,I know it sports a ridiculous tagline, (Lu cilok gua,gua cilok lu, WTF!?) but it's majorly funny. What makes it ironic is the fact that just 8 months ago,I categorized every Malay movies and songs under the 'rempit' category. Heck,just 3 months ago I thought Awie was a comedian.
Still,he's funny as hell,but he's not only just an actor,he's a musician (something I knew 3 months ago). In fact,I've become a huge fan of him. Not only that,three people have said I look like him,which is probably a compliment since he was,at one point in his life,engaged to Erra Fazira.
Miss Malaysia bai.

Ironically,now most of the songs on my playlist are Malay songs. I thank my homies for making me accept Malay songs and movies in to my life. Thanks guys :) .

I don't really know the point of this post but then,I'll take this opportunity to say, please, support our local artists. (that's so not me)

Farewell

2010-05-29T08:56:00.000-07:00

Farewells are always sad occasions. I tend to cry whenever a person,or an object leaves me. *yeah right . And this one is no different than the other farewells I've been through. After 8 months of being with me,I think it's time to bid farewell to you. You've influenced me alot. During the early stages,I was just a small, shy boy (i wasn;t really small,in fact,I'm alot smaller now,but whatever). I was only brave enough to just smile in front of the camera,which in turn,made me look as if I was scared of the camera. Plus,I only had one pose,which is the smile in the above picture,which doesn't even look like a sincere smile. But now,I'm a much more confident man,capable of posing in ways I could only imagine of 8 months ago. You've changed my life. But unfortunately,my mum knows about us. And she won't let it go on.
I didn't even have the mental capability to even think of this picture 8 months ago. But,a 10-minute speech by my mum made me realize,that it's time to say goodbye.. to my hair. :'(

Moreover,the request to braid my hair was turned down,by both my parents.
Haaaaaaaaaaihh :'( .
To add insult to injury,I can't look like this anymore.
It was one hell of an experience. I'd get random stares from people all the time. On one occasion,I caught a couple laughing at me while I was running to the gym. I said hye to them,which made them laugh even more. On another separate occasion,I caught two people talking about my hair. I even heard the words "macam" and "sial" in the same sentence. I looked at them,and they immediately kept quiet,before eventually changing the topic.
AHHH I LOVE THOSE MOMENTS!

Anyway,this gives me the opportunity to try a new hairstyle. And these few top the list.
My all time favourite,been wanting to do it since I watched the movie. But without the facial hair,it'll look completely different. And I don't possess the same type of hair as this guy. Soo,nahhh. :(
This one looks tempting. But, if I have that on my hair, I'll be homeless for atleast a month,so nahhhh.

I don't watch the show (trust me on this one) but this guy's got an awesome 'do.

It'll take time getting used to being normal :( .

On a side note,Syahmi's going to MMU. Have fun there aite. HAHAHAHA MAIN2 JE LA NGOK! I MISS YOU AND FITRY MAN!

Email

2010-05-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

We all at one point have created a stupid email. Unfortunately for me,mine stuck with me for 7 long years before I decided that enough is enough. shafchenko_14@hotmail.com is a ridiculous email because;
i) it's inspired by a footballer,who,at the moment is a has-been.
Andriy Shevchenko.

ii) who,at one point, was a Chelsea player. Being an Arsenal fan it was very,very unpleasant to have an email that shows everybody I'm a huge fan of a footballer playing for Arsenal's London rival.

iii) even until now people might think I'm 14 years old,when in actuality that was inspired by an Arsenal legend's number.
Thierry Henry.

iv) who,at the moment plays for Barcelona,the club that knocked Arsenal out of the Champions League this season.
and
v) someone still calls me shafchenko,which is something that I do not want to be associated with

Those were the days,when footballer's names became the subject of everyone's email. Fortunately for me,I wasn't the only one among my friends to have created such ridiculous emails. kayhawt

Nowadays,emails have become more and more simple. I remember vaguely laughing at my friend's email because it included his dad's name. How I wished I would've grabbed Shafiq_Ruslan 7 years ago instead of this. *young and stupid* Anyway,the point of this post is to tell the world that I have a new email,an email that I pray would last for a very long time before it becomes stupid. johnshafiq@live.com is my new email because the number of people referring to me as John Shafiq has increased dramatically since last year due to me using that name as my Facebook name. To think of it,it's kind of funny because the name 'John' actually was born from a failed prank.

So,unless you're a crazy stalker from Sabah,then add me up aite.

Freedom

2010-05-02T00:26:00.001-07:00

As I enter the final month of freedom,I start to feel fucked. Well,not literally,more like the dude-I'm-fucked type of fucked. I'm definitely not ready for college,though it's been 5 long,yet great months of freedom. It's kind of ridiculous for me to say it's too early because I've done nothing in the past 5 months to benefit myself,apart from improving drastically in Call of Duty : Modern Warfare 2.
Beat that,mofos.

Our wingman,Adam is going off to Penang,though I don't know when,but that also means no more accidents in our group (HAHAHA). kat penang tu bawak kereta berhati-hati ye Dam,nanti kang ada kaki orang kau tergilis

Our valet,Sarah is off to Johor to further her studies in Rempit-ing because she's yet to master the art of speaking in said language. She doesn't even know what ronggeng means. Like whaaaaaat? Belajar lek lok ye dik,jangan asyik nak meronggeng dgn big foot lak

Mah man Syahmiri's going off at the end of this month,which means there will be a huge decrease in pictures taken of us,due to him being the cameraman for our group. With that,we also say goodbye to our favourite delicacy.
:'( we'll miss you,Satay. and Syahmi too hehehehe

Fortunately for me,I get the privilege of having to keep our bodyguard,Big Kam Jam, with me cause he's going to Sunway. But that's only for awhile though,cause he wants to further his studies in New Zealand. Probably for some action. Rugby action. What were you thinking of? hehehehe.

Bout Lil Ferdy the Birdy and Fitry,I don't know where they're going yet. But,definitely not staying with me here in Subang :'( . korang dua jangan asyik nak frust menonggeng lak,chikaro banyak lagi dalam dunia ni. hehehehehe.

Forgive me if you don't understand half the thing I'm writing in this post. That's because I'm an emotional wreck at this moment.

AHHHH I'M GONNA MISS YOU GUYS!

html

2010-04-21T23:47:00.001-07:00

I used to be so obsessed with HTML. No wonder I loved editing pages. In fact,I remember vaguely being proud of my pimped up MySpace page. Those were the days where having stars falling down your page was cool. Now everything's kept simple and neat.

I'd like to refer to that time as the days where I was young and immature. I'm not saying I'm matured now,but I've definitely matured alot,though my pictures in Facebook seem to contradict that statement.

2009.
Formal shirt. Hair well kept. Smiling,like a normal person. No facial hair,at all.

2010
Long,untidy,almost to the point of being funny hair. Ridiculous belt(s). Singlet (needs no explanation). Stupid pose. Sweaty pits and chest. Noticeable 'stache. Most likely,based on the amount of sweat,smells like shit.

Nowadays,finding a picture of me that's smiling like a normal person is like finding a white guy in Africa.

We always say we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. But that quote is full of lard. We all fail to do so. The moment we see a Malay person wearing shades in a shopping mall,we immediately think of him as a Rempit. But if you put a black guy in the exact same shades,he'll fall into the cool category.

Even I fail to follow that quote. Which is why when my homies and I organized an Arabian night,the moment I entered my friend's house,I asked for a hand grenade. Of course,we were dressed like Arabs,sans the body hair. * you can exclude Kamarul from this sentence*

But that's probably stereotyping. Nevertheless,it's almost the same thing.

After awhile,I felt guilty. I felt like I was making fun of my religion. Actually,we're making fun of people who think all Arabs are terrorists. But in actuality,that's the normal depiction of a terrorist. Heck,even if you google terrorist the first image you'll get is this.What I'm tryna say is, my name is Muhammad Shafiq,and I am not a terrorist.

Unfair

2010-04-12T07:41:00.000-07:00

If you ever find yourself bored with nothing to do and no blogs to stalk,then feel free to visit the Main Event Mafia official blog at www.wrestlinggods92.blogspot.com. If you're good in editing pages and all,please leave me a comment or something. That blog is abit...dull.

It's been awhile since we created that blog,but we were waiting for the right time to release it to the world,and now's probably the best time to do so.

And if you're still wondering what Main Event Mafia is,it's a group from TNA. That's my official group name.
That's also why we went to a seafood restaurants dressed up like them.
It's abit different,but whatever.

*If you think the main point of this post is to promote that blog,then you're sadly mistaken.*

We've done all sorts of shits together,some illegal and some not,which is why this post is abit emotional for me :'( . Especially after one of our member was sent into a lockup for a crime we all committed.
Who would've thought this picture would become a reality?

Somehow I feel,it should have been me,I was the one shouting louder than the rest. It was my idea to open up the stall. Heck,it was even my idea to take mugshots of us. With all these points, all sorts of thoughts begin creeping into my mind. Some positive,but most of them negative. How can I be positive? I'm the reason all of these things happened. If I didn't think of opening up the stall,we would all be safe, we would all be still having fun. Heck,we'd probably be having dinner together at this very moment. But,God had a say in this. He wanted to punish me for what I did. He wanted me to be consumed with guilt. And I'm really a broken man at this very moment.

Just like our friend, Firdaus used to say, "one time could be the all-time," that was the case this morning. The one and only day we decided to open up the stall,was the day MPSJ decided to come to that very place. Some may call it coincidence,but I'd like to call it karma.

what goes around,comes around

And I often hear, karma's a bitch,but I'd like to think it's only a bitch if you're being one,and I hate to say this,but we were assholes for that week.

They say, action speaks louder than words,and I wish I had the power to help him,but unfortunately,who am I to do so? I'm just a teenager looking for fun. And this is what I get. From another person's point of view,we might have deserved it,but try putting yourself in my shoes. It hurts worse than it's hurting Firdaus. The feeling of guilt continues to consume me as I live my everyday life. I'm ashamed to even look my self in the mirror. Only time can heal this wound,but I fear that,it may take a very long time. I can never forgive myself for this.

Wish I had the strength to write some more words,but,words can't express how I really feel in this situation.

Haih, hang in there buddy...

My name is

2010-03-29T10:45:00.001-07:00

*this poster does a poor job of depicting the main character. he's actually abit.. abit.. you'll just have to watch the movie yourself :) *

Who would've thought.

Expecting to laugh our way throughout the whole movie,me and my homies found ourselves going through shitloads of emotions. One moment we were laughing at the main character and the next I hear someone weeping beside me while I try my best to not show any emotions. But indeed it was a roller-coaster ride emotionally.

I've only watched two Bollywood-related movies and interestingly enough,both of them managed to move me,the other being Slumdog Millionaire. I probably should watch more of those movies.Last time around I memorized each and every line from that movie. Even shouted those lines in class until people got bored of it. That probably lasted for 2 months or so.

What made the movie so good for me was the fact that I went into it not knowing anything about it. Probably because of the low expectations I had for it.

Definitely worth a watch,makes you think about plenty of stuffs. Makes me rethink of going to the States if I have the chance. I don't want someone's fingers up my ass.
Fucking 'ell.
Totally irrelevant but it's in the movie. Go watch it.

Ambition

2010-03-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

Entering the second half of my holiday,the question lingers,
"What do I wanna be?"

I've put much thought and consideration on this but I still can't find the answer.
When I was younger,I had plenty of ideas of what I wanna be but now I can't even think of one. I vaguely remember writing down 'pemain badminton' when I was 8 years old.
But then again,why not? He's a Datuk and he's arguably the most well known sportsman in Malaysia. On second thought,if I try to dodge a shuttlecock that's at a speed of 99 miles per hour,then I might just forget about it.

Then, I remember wanting to be an architect because my dad's friend is a successful one. He owns a house that's bigger than my old school. Fucking 'ell. But then again,the only thing I can draw is Doraemon,so I might just forget about it too.
I also remember telling my Science teacher when I was 10 that I wanted to be the Prime Minister.
The whole class laughed at me but I wasn't even joking. Thinking about it again,it's one hell of a joke!

So,in these times of desperation,I searched for my Fail Peribadi Pelajar to check out what I wanted to be when I was younger.

Tingkatan 3.

Pilihan Pertama: Accountant.
From what I've heard,it's shitloads of work and I'm not what you'll call a hardworking person. I used to run away from my Accounts teacher every time she asks me for my homework. I remember using my friend's book when she asked me for mine. Unfortunately,she recognizes my handwriting and I got caught.
And unfortunately,I don't like dealing with stress. Who does anyway.

Pilihan Kedua: Orang Laut.
What the hell was I thinking.

Pilihan Ketiga: Buruh Paksa.
I was young,immature and stupid.

The dumbest thing however,is that my teacher filled the last two choices for me when I was in Form 4 because I only wrote down one choice. Yes,she really thought I wanted to be an Orang Laut and a Buruh Paksa.

Fucking e'll

High

2010-03-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

True to word,I did smile all my way back home on the 11th of March. I exceeded even my mum's expectations which is an awesome feeling. Me mum expected 6,and I gave her a 9. My dad though,well,he's not satisfied with anything I do unless I find a hot girlfriend ~~and lose my virginity in the process.~~ I feel like Carlo from the Biggest Loser Asia when he lost 9 kilos.
Of course,I didn't manage to wow people with my looks,but that doesn't really matter. In some ways,this is like the Biggest Loser finale. The final results,the winners,the losers,and also the last time some of USJ13 students get to meet each other,which makes it a god damn emotional day.

And in this case,you don't have to become anorexic to be crowned the winner. Although,one winner seems to look anorexic. *ngeh ngeh ngeh* (gigit pencil)
And also the "trainers" don't look like Kristy or Nuku.
On a side note,Roszaimi goes to True Fitness,if that even matters to anyone of you.

Ahh,fuck's sake, I miss the Biggest Loser.

On a lighter note, I'm proud to say that I was within a 100 metres away from Kristy. In other words,we were under the same roof. I tried searching for her,but, Lady Luck just wasn't on my side on that day.

For the first time in probably two years,I get to say
IN YOUR FACE TEACHERS!
I BEAT MY BROTHER!!
~~HEY LADIES! IM SINGLE AND I CAN TEACH YOU!!~~
I've made my parents proud :)

activities

2010-03-09T05:10:00.000-08:00

During this 3-month break, I've
been to our national zoo

been to our national muzeum
*pictures soon*
played,and won a full football match

screamed my lungs out,and acted like an idiot in a karaoke room

played go kart

entered a sex shop or whatever you call it
bought the WWE Championship belt *ofcourse,wesharedourmoney*
*no pictures of it after we bought it*

bought the World Heavyweight Championship belt *ofcourse,wesharedourmoney*
forced someone to take a picture with said belt

got shot in a game of paintball

dressed up like a rock star

dressed up like a hip hop star

dressed up like a businessman
threw water balloons at my friends and at other people's house

and got involved in a car accident.

Of course,I would've loved to go on a trip to PD,or maybe even meet a celebrity along the way. But,I'm pretty happy to have that replaced by
witnessing my friend spank a cow

SOOOO,regardless of what happens come Thursday,I'll be smiling on my way back. :)

Gooner for life

2010-02-28T09:48:00.000-08:00

You might wanna skip this post if you're not a football fan.

An Arsenal player breaks his leg. Again. Great.
If Mourinho was Arsenal's coach he'd definitely be crying of a conspiracy against his team. Wait,Arsene Wenger's doing the exact same thing,oh well.

Two years ago it was Eduardo.
This time it's Aaron Ramsey.

Fucking 'ell! Makes me consider playing a football match against a bunch of soldiers next week. They look like murderers! Even my homie,Firdaus said he'd rather play against Africans than them. Considering the fact that two out of three Africans we speak to on a weekly basis weigh over 200 pounds,that's a worrying statement. The other African,though he doesn't weight as much,looks like he's carrying a gun with him.

Here's the video.

Anyway,let's get back to the topic. To make things worse,it's the same time of the year. And two years ago that's what cost Arsenal the title.

D E J A V U.

Arsenal did win the match though,so,this time around the script might be altered a little.

I really didn't know how serious the situation was at first. Not until I saw Campbell jumping up and down like a maniac. You'll only see that happening to a grown man if someone stuffed a rat in his pants. Then the look on the players' face made it obvious. Even Shawcross was crying.

Buuuuuuuuut,as good ol' JR would say,let bygones be bygones,let's see what happens in the league this time around.
*in case your wondering who the hell is JR*

The situation looks better this time around,Arsenal are only three points adrift of Chelsea,two of Manchester United,and those two have yet to play each other. Arsenal also have the easiest fixture among the two, John Terry isn't at his best,Man U are relying too heavily on Wayne Rooney. Hope he gets injured. *fake smile*

At this rate,I'd say Arsenal have a very good chance.

TBLA

2010-02-24T02:48:00.000-08:00

Life is becoming really,really repetitive for me. It's the same thing day after day. In the words of Sergeant Gary 'Roach' Sanderson, "same shit,different day."

Though there's plenty of stuffs planned out,the thing I look forward the most in a week is thisYes,I enjoy watching fat people get thin. So much until I ditched A's invitation to dance with her and her friend.
*nama sebenar telah ditukar untuk menjaga reputasi*

But I gotta admit,the first reason I watched the show was because of one person.
Kevin.
He's cute as hell. And if you don't agree with me you're either blind or mentally retarded. I even felt genuinely sad when he was voted off. And you don't see that often from me.

Don't get me wrong,I ain't no gay,and I'm certainly not obsessed with fat people,but this show provides great entertainment.

That's just about it,I ran out of ideas. Unless you wanna listen to how this man
caused me to laugh like I've never laughed before in my entire life.
Nahh,we'll leave that for the next post.

Shit! Another fat person!

Nine

2010-02-13T08:37:00.000-08:00

Nine things I've learned from my trip to the land down under.

i) Even if you've always been called a five-year old kid,because of the lack of facial hair,and you don't even look like this
you still might be a terrorist if you have Muhammad in your name. And yes,even if you came with your mum.

ii) If you eat only kebab and subway for five days straight,your fart will smell exactly like chicken kebab. For full effect,release the gas in a small cubicle.

iii) In Malaysia,you're everyone's bro. In Aussie,you're everyone's mate.

iv) My name comes from the word Shafaka,which means a kind person. Surprisingly though,I don't hear that much. However, "Shaf" and the word "fucker" are often paired together in the same sentence.

v) On my previous visit,I've learned that Australians are generally very friendly people. So,I thought it'll be perfectly normal for me to smile to anyone who makes eye contact with me. I was wrong. I smiled at someone who had his right ear pierced. If you still don't get it,
Fortunately though,I escaped unscathed.

vi) While your brain is interpreting what the other person is saying,it's always safe to smile and say "I'm fine,how bout you?"

vii) You know those scenes from movies that have this superhot girl,like this walking along the streets and the main actor would be staring at that girl as if he's seen an angel,(she'll be walking in slowmo,and yes of course,accompanied by a background song) and then suddenly,he'll be distracted by his friend,which causes him to lose sight of the girl? Well,that really exists in real life. Without the background music though. And of course,she'll be walking at normal pace.

viii) I can't wash my shit-stained ass without water. It fucking hurts.

ix) Last but not least,although I've called Malaysia a retarded country a number of times in the past,I FUCKING LOVE MALAYSIA!!

That's it.

Gay moment no 32

2010-01-25T08:47:00.001-08:00

Picture this.
You are in this position,complete with the dumbbell

To make matters worse,it's more than you can carry without a spotter. OH and just so you know,this position leaves your.. your .. well,let's just say you're vulnerable to 'attacks' from this position.

And all of a sudden,a 230 pound-man comes in from the worst possible position ( you know what I mean ) and puts his hand on your waist,pushes it down and screams words that, if seen from a different point of view,reminds you of a pornographic movie.

Scary innit?
That's exactly what happened to me two days ago. The worst part is,I'm not lying when I said he's about 230 pounds. Plus,he's an Arabian guy..and you know what they say about Arabs right?
Fucking 'ell.
"Come on boy! One more!"
"Noo boy.. you're doing it the wrong way.. let me show you how it's done."
"Don't move your legs.. and lower your butt"
I'm traumatized and I'm never going to workout alone from now on.

Photos

2010-01-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

You normally see girls pouting in photos. I don't have a problem with that ,but it's very common,and it's almost a signature for every teenage girl. And we all know that guys look awkward in pictures,especially group pictures,as evidenced in this photo.
"Should I hold his shoulder? That'll look gay. Should I hold his hands? That's worse. What should I do? OMG OMG!!!"

Before you know it,this picture is making the rounds in the internet. And the worse part is,that could be you!

Thus,I've came up with a conclusion for us guys,because,pouting on the other hand,doesn't boost our macho level.This really isn't pouting,it's just a poor attempt at doing it. Nonetheless,this guy failed miserably and he ends up looking like a dipshit.

Well,actually,I didn't come up with a conclusion. I actually developed a signature pose for myself.
If your familiar with WWE,you might notice the huge resemblance to The Heart Break Kid,Shawn Michaels,who obviously happens to be a major influence to this pose.
Now,if only I can grow that much amount of chest hair...

In a nutshell,you'll be seeing me with this pose very frequently in the next few months. As a matter of fact the next time you see someone doing this pose,you'll say, "Hey,that guy's copying Shafiq!"

And also,this will be known as The Legacy pose from now on!
The Legacy,
That's all for today.

FFS

2010-01-16T00:56:00.000-08:00

Due to boredom and frustration at being unable to play Call of Duty : Modern Warfare 2,I decided to fill my time by watching movies.

Awesome game by the way,a must-buy for anyone owning a PS3. A value buy for those who don't even own one,just for the fact that you're able to tell your friends you have this game. It's that good. Or,in the words of my Punjabi friend, "savadi sambal!" which,strangely enough means "go die la girl sambal" and it doesn't even mean anything.

Anyway,after googling "Top 10 tearjerkers," I found out that Titanic tops the list most of the time. Unfortunately,I've watched Titanic. Twice,as a matter of fact.

No offense,but if you haven't watched Titanic you either live in Zimbabwe or you've never watched any movies at all. Sorry Zimbabweans,your country's name appeared first off the top of my head. I don't even know if you guys are rich or poor,so whatever.
Another movie that appeared constantly on the list is A Walk to Remember. I decided to check that movie out since it's already in my computer. Surprisingly enough,I wasn't disappointed. I didn't cry though,but it was a well spent one and a half hours.

It even managed to make me block my shit from coming out of my ass. Well,I didn't really block it, I just postponed the act just to watch the final 10 minutes. Not alot of movies can achieve that feat. I mean,most of the time I would'nt wanna risk having to wash the stain off my pants just to watch the final 10 minutes of a movie.
Anyway,it's a good movie,worth a watch.

That's just about it for this post.

"Futsal"

2010-01-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

For this post,and this post only,I'll jump on the bandwagon and fill this post with pictures.

PS : I changed my blogskin just for the sake of this post and it'll be changed after a while.

I'll explain the details in my next post.

Two Thousand Fucking Ten!

2009-12-31T11:26:00.000-08:00

Now,I won't start off my first post of the year by listing down my resolutions because we all know,that by February,no wait,by mid-January, all will be forgotten,so you can just forget about that.

In fact,2 weeks from now,this picture below might be a reality,with me replacing the guy.

It might be damn hard to believe this but 2009's over. This might be fucking cheesy of me but 2009 was a pretty good year for me. Started off badly,just like the previous year,in which I spent all day listening to Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry" but it ended up pretty well,especially when God showed his love for me during SPM,when he allowed me to copy my homies' answers without getting caught.

2010 proved to be different though. It started off brilliantly. Me and my homies practically did everything we can possibly do on a low budget in this area. Unfortunately,most of the homies couldn't follow us due to unavoidable reasons,but we still managed to have fun.

Of course,having them with us would've been a hell of a lot more amazing, because... because... well the phrase, "a picture is worth a thousand words" perfectly describes this.

Sama tak?

What we did though, will remain private because,we might get in trouble if people knew,so you can forget about knowing this.

Well,since if I ever continue this post,I'll end up being like every other people on Earth (I wanna be a better human being/I wanna lose weight/I wanna quit smoking) ,I'd prefer to end it here,without any soothing words for you readers. Ciao!

Borat

2009-12-23T07:17:00.000-08:00

Who would've thought life after SPM won't be so awesome as it seems on paper. But,I can't really be complaining,life's really eventful. To back up that statement, yesterday I was involved in an altercation with a guy who looks like a mix of Borat Sagdiyev and Dimitar Berbatov.

Dimitar Berbatov.Borat Sagdiyev.

Usually,these kind of things would be very scary because you just don't know what's gonna happen. Especially if that person looks like he carries a handgun in his right pocket and a knife in his left. But then again,it's hard to be intimidated by a person who looks like Borat.

For your information,Borat is the person who produced such an amazing movie that I nearly died gasping for breath due to excessive laughing.
What made the situation worse was the incident happened near a swimming pool,and he was the proud owner of a hairy chest. A goddamn hairy one. Thus,it was no surprise that the image above came to mind. Don't blame me though,that guy's lanky,just like Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat's real name).

But then again,it's hard not to feel angry too,that guy looks like the man who scores plenty of goals for Manchester United. What's worse is,MU's above Arsenal in the Premier League at the moment!

There was no physicality however,it'll be foolish of me to do so. A wise man once said "It's not worth to fight over stupid things." I really have to agree with that person.

Imagine,people asking me,
"Weh,what's wrong with your face?"
"I fought that day with this guy!"
"Why?"
"Don't know? He wanna fight."

Well,imagine that.

Gore

2009-12-18T22:08:00.000-08:00

My brother's left me at home without saying a word. Which is a shitty thing for him to do,given the fact that he promised to me that he'll spend the day with me in AC,playing pool. But then again,that was last week,and promises are meant to be broken.

I don't blame him though,he's off to Pyramid to watch Avatar. Looks like a fun movie to watch. Thankfully though,he's left me with a bunch of movies. Movies which I've never even heard of.

He has a knack of picking out movies that don't aren't popular,but turn out to be amazing.

Just to name a few.
For example,this one. Before watching this movie,I thought my brother was semi-retarded for downloading a Korean movie. But this was top-notch. Storyline,acting,cinematography,music blablabla you name it,it's awesome.

If you enjoyed Saw,you're gonna love this. But then again,it's actually a completely different movie than Saw,just that is has the violence and gore that the Saw series popularized.

However,this isn't everyone's cup of tea. It has nudity though,so I'm pretty sure my machas would love it! 9.5/10 for me.

Till then,byebye.

Freedom

2009-12-05T06:29:00.000-08:00

Finishing Physics feels great. Actually,it feels awesome. In fact,it's so awesome,that I have a few words for Physics.

Fuck you Physics! You didn't even provide me with laughter at all. Atleast Add Maths did!

First term of Form 4.
Mum,Dad...I got 3 for Add Maths..
Out of?
...100..
Hahahahahaha

*looking puzzled* err haha
*laughter finishes*
What did you do!? So stupid ah!?

So,the 10-minute-talk started. Obviously I was looking down,confused at the various emotions I went through in the space of just 10 seconds. Scared,relieved and fucked.

Anyway,that doesn't mean I like Add Maths. Fuck you too,Add Maths. But then again, the best thing is,freedom is almost here.

Everyone's been talking bout New Moon at the moment. Jacob's body specifically. I've yet to watch it but he's pretty ripped. I'll probably watch it too,partially because of his body.

Yeah,call me gay but I bet some of you guys watch it for that too. No? Hrmm..anyone? Well urm...actually I was just joking just now. I'm gonna watch it because of..urmm..because of... ahh yea! Because of Kristen Stewart,she's damn hot!

Well,I gtg!

God,amen!

2009-11-25T01:21:00.000-08:00

Victory over 7/10 of the SPM subjects feels great. Well,I haven't really been triumphant over all of them,but then finishing those subjects makes me feel awesome. This is a tribute post dedicated to those who helped me through it.

First of all,I'd like to thank God for letting me take the exam. All praise be to Allah!

Then,I'd like to thank my parents for naming me Muhammad Shafiq. Had they named be Abdul Shafiq,or Bob Shafiq,or maybe even John Shafiq,I'd sit in a much shittier position. Instead,I'm seated in the best place you can possibly ever imagine.

On my right hand side is arguably the smartest person in the school. Then,infront of him,is RadhiUnderScoreBlackNinjaAtHotmailDotCom! He looks at me every five minutes,nuff said. Then,in front of me,is Syahmi who comes in handy most of the time.

Then,beside him is Sarah who,so far has yet to communicate with me at all. This is where I'd like to thank God again for giving me great vision.
Suppp yawwww.

On my left hand side is Suraya,who's also a homie of mine,but communicating with her is made impossible,due to my inability to write with my left hand.

Lastly,I'd like to thank

for providing me with laugher whenever I'm feeling down.

So far so good

2009-11-19T22:20:00.000-08:00

It's on. Actually,it's been on since Wednesday. I'm actually done with 4 subjects and I think I've done well. So far so good. But God knows better than anyone how fucked up Sejarah and BM can be. He proved it to me in March this year.

(me in bold)

"Aiyooo,this exam only 2 A's la macha"
"Relax la,BM haven't get yet what."
"You think you can get A ah?"
"Hopefully la,I think I did well lah"

3 hours later I received a paper that has 42% written beside my name.

That's when I first felt the wrath of Roszaimi.

Another classic example.

"Damn tough dey sejarah!"
"I know,aiyoo how ah?"
"You think you'll fail ah?"
"No lah,fail impossible la,I think 40-50 lah"

Two weeks later.
This isn't my paper though,I threw mine away as soon as I got it. Somehow,it turned out to be a joke. I wasn't even close to passing. I scored 26% actually.

For English and EST,I'm pretty confident. But God knows how fucked up those two subjects can be too. Especially EST,I had no idea for my additional information. With the words friction and lubricants in the same page, my basic instincts took over. Well,sexual instincts to be precise.

Dear God,please don't send my EST paper to Kelantan.

It's a fucking reality

2009-11-13T08:09:00.000-08:00

For fuck's sake!
It's a fucking reality.
I am actually going to take SPM next week.

The good thing about it is,one week from now,I'll be done with 4 out of 10 subjects. Of course,that's awesome,because it gives me the license to burn all 5 of my sejarah revision books (well,technically,one of them isn't a book,it's just shitload of notes,but then again,it qualifies as a book in my opinion)

I actually thought that I'd never take SPM,probably due to H1N1 or some shit like that.

So since I'm facing the exam and I'm in a state of shock and awe and anger,I'll let it all out in this post. So,first of all..
This is for you,SPM,for causing pimples to pop up out of nowhere,and for causing me to act retarded at times. And also for taking off precious hours of sleep. And also for,albeit partially,causing me the worst diarhoea in my 17 years of living,though,that's probably the canteen food,but fuck it altogether.

Next,
This is for the Kementerian Pel.. hey wait, *thinks rationally* .. Nahh, it's all good,they're just doing their job. Moving on.

Finally
I'd like to stick up this flaming middle finger up...up...up anyone's arse just for the fun of it!

AHH FUCK MY LIFE!

Holy fucking shit

2009-10-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

Holy fucking shit.

All those "dey cha,after spm wanna go (insert name of fun place) or not?" and "weh lepas spm jom pergi (insert name of fun place)" is finally going to become a reality.

But of course,a huge metaphorical boulder stands in my way. It's just like playing rugby,so close to the try line,but this bastard stands in my way.
AHHH fuck you Goldberg.

Anyway,back to reality,30 days left for SPM. In other words,in one month's time I'll be in that damn hall,looking at papers that has Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia 2009 and some other unnecessary crap written on the front page.

What makes this situation even worse,is just minutes ago I realised that I'm not even smarter than a 5th grader. Though,that's probably socially acceptable,the questions are fucking tough!

I bet even the host can't answer half the question they ask.

But then again,what the fuck am I doing here?

Diarrhoeaa

2009-10-11T06:44:00.000-07:00

Today is the shittiest day of my life,literally. I shat/shit/shitted a grand total of 20 times,and the worse part is,I'm not lying.
Ceeh ceeeeh,saje kasi dramatic.

I usually refrain myself from blogging about my life,but this is considered a special case. I woke up at 4.40a.m.,for the first dump. And after that,it just got worse. Every 30 mins,I was forced to wake up.

I even thought of giving up,which meant shitting in my pants. Luckily,thanks to divine intervention,that did not happen.

After the fifth time, I decided to sleep in the toilet,which is,I think,the second time I've done this in my seventeen years of living.

I don't know whether I'll be okay or not.. But that's life..

PS: If you're semi-retarded,then you won't understand this is a joke,but all these things really did happen today. But,I'll be okay.

Marabahaya

2009-10-04T23:58:00.001-07:00

It's already October,which means,SPM is next month. Which also means that it's perfectly normal if I,somehow piss in my pants.

My trial results was not so bad,everything improved except for,Sejarah. In fact,I failed my Sejarah (Mum,Dad,if you guys are reading this,sorry,I had to tell you in this way,because I just can't break the news in person. But,what the heck, I still scored an A for Agama,I can be an ustaz if all fails.)

The type of ustaz I'd be. *sorry,I just had to put up his picture*

On a brighter note,Arsenal's doing well now. And Fabregas looks much happier. Probably because he's shaved off his 'stache,but he still looks happy.
Sweet mullet!

And also,I don't know what to comment on this new grading system. I think it's kinda retarded they had to start with our year,because, it's so out of the blue,just like Elton John's single.
And I also don't know it it's a good thing. This probably makes getting a scholarship much tougher. I might find myself studying in UiTM next year,just like how my parents want it to be.

"Capik! Capik!" FML!

The Rock says

2009-09-23T07:21:00.001-07:00

Let's take some time off Raya,because my Raya wasn't that awesome,well,apart from receiving cash!

Actually,I don't really get excited when Raya comes. It's probably because I spend my first few Raya days locked up in my room. But there's a reason to it,most of the time,I don't have a baju Melayu,( this year included ) and also,I don't mix around with my cousins. Plus,I bet most of the people in my hometown talk behind my back.

"Ni ape ni!? Raya pon pakai seluar pendek ke!? Balik bandar la weh!!"
Actually,that's my fault.

And also,those awkward moments where you don't know what you're supposed to do when you meet a person makes it worse.

Inner monologue when I meet a person.
"Should I kiss this guy's hands?"
"Should I shake hands with this girl? It's against the rules of Islam."
"Who is this guy!? Why is he smiling at me!?"
"Why is that guy staring at me? Is there shit stains on my pants?!"

I was once very close to one of my cousins,but he changed,and now he looks like a rock star.
Not that I don't like Rock,but he's more of an indie guy and the only thing we talk about is,music,though we don't like the same type of music,apart from Avenged Sevenfold.

His type of band.

Whereas,my type of bands are more like.
and

So,all in all,let's take some time off all those Raya songs,and listen to these classic rock bands.
Hey wait, I ran out of ideas. HOLLA!!!

BOOKAH!

2009-09-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

There are somethings in life that are seemingly impossible to overcome. However,I believe with determination,everything and anything is possible. Just like passing add maths. Yeah,you're not blind and you don't need to reach out for your glasses,you read the right thing.

Last time,passing Add Maths was a joke. I remembered scoring 3 for my first add maths exam. That was funny as hell. Since then,I've been on the rise. From 3,I more than doubled my marks. Well actually, I scored 7 for the next one,but still! That's more than double of what I scored the previous exam.

So finally,after 6 failed attempts,the 7th time proves to be the charm.
If this was an awards show,I'd be celebrating like hell. Even Kanye West would be applauding me amidst my race. Heck,we'd probably be dueting by now!

Speaking of him, everybody hates him now. He's like the Adebayor of celebrities at the moment.
They even look the same.

Erm,not really. Adebayor looks more like
The 5 time! 5 time! 5 time! 5 time! 5 time! WCW Champion.

That's all for today,I've got some errands I wanna do,can you dig that!? SUCKAAAAAAAAA!!!

Drive

2009-09-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

Ever since I've learned how to drive,I've became a more passionate man. Well not really,but I love driving.
PS: This is going to be an emotionaaaal post,so if you wanna avoid getting your eyes teary,then, bugger off!

Before this,I drove like a wuss,thanks to JPJ and my driving instructor,Kasinathan,or nama glamour,KC. But,I don't blame him one bit,he's just doing his job,which is to get me a driving license. Since then,I thought I'd continue driving like that,but my arsehole friends laugh at me though it's rule no.3 in my rule book.

There's one person I'd like to thank for changing my style of driving.
Nope,not you,you just criticize my every move,even if it's correct,and call me names with your new arsenal of shitty words thanks to Snatch and Trainspotting. Eg, cunt,prick,pikey.

Not my dad too,he calls me pondan,gay,and 'like-your-mum" on a daily basis although he's yet to see me drive.

SOOOOO,the award goes to,the one and onlyyyyyy,MACHAAAAAA. (Well not really,Moraish's my macha too,and Raj,and Trived,and Kantha,and maybe my Physics tuition teacher too. AHH fuck it!)

In the words of Ricky Bobby, "Thanks Cal! You'll be my best friend forever! Shake and Bake!"
And urmm.. urmm..I remember the time when..urmm.. That's all for today's post! Bye!

Dreams

2009-09-01T03:33:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted to achieve great feats before I leave school. Buut,I don't think I'll achieve any of these three,cause school ends for me in about 2,3 months. Having mixed emotions bout it,but what can I do.

3. Perform in school.
I've imagined this since I was in Form 3. Imagine performing in front of a capacity crowd in school. Students screaming your name. Heck,even teachers join the fray.
And to top it off,halfway through my performance,someone famous steps in to sing along with me. That's when the crowds/fans go ballistic. That's when I'm on cloud nine. Buuuuut,this all ain't gonna happen. There are no further events in my school and plus,I can't sing or play any instrument. So fuck that dream.

2. Get into a big fight.
Ever watched Never Back Down? Well,if you haven't then go get the cd. I've always wondered how it would like to get into a one-on-one fight. Especially with everyone watching it,it would be awesome. Just like in the said movie.
I'd also like my opponent to be much bigger than me. So, a victory would make me appear even tougher. Say someone like this.

In the middle of the fight,I'd also like someone to throw in a weapon to my opponent. I'll appear much stronger if I manage to beat the shit out of him.

The sad reality is,there's no one as huge as that person in the picture above,and fighting would only lead to more trouble for me. So,naaaaaaaahhh.

1.Lead an organization against teachers.
From that picture it's pretty obvious who's the leader. Even if you didn't watch the movie,you would've known who the leader is.

*It's George Clooney btw*

The Ocean's series is about perfecting a heist. And I'd love to be the leader of an organization hell bent in causing chaos in the school. If I manage to pull it off,I'll receive a shitload of cash,but if i fail,I'll get caught.

Sadly,this is the most unrealistic one and it'll never happen in any school in Malaysia.

There you have it.

Movies

2009-08-27T07:51:00.000-07:00

I've been a movie buff since last year,when my brother discovered a new DVD shop in USJ7. (it actually does exist) Then,my homies taught me how to download movies.

Since then,I've watched every type of movies. I've also learned how to criticize a movie,rather than just whine about why the ending isn't a happy one,or why the douchebag gets the girl (eg. Transformers, Shia Laboeuff,and Megan Fox)

In a nutshell,I've learned how to appreciate great acting skills.
One of my favourite actor. Not because he's good looking,well,he actually is,but he also possesses great charisma. I recently found out he has a look-alike.
Not really one of my top 5 favourite actors,though that's mainly because I've yet to see his work. Since my brother's been talking about him,I might watch his movies sooner or later.

Since I've learned how to appreciate great acting,I've also learned how to appreciate bad acting. They provide great entertainment,and they're funny without even trying. What's not to like ?

Now I know,most of you skip videos because you'll have to wait for it to load,but I can assure you,these videos will be worth your time. If it's not,you don't have any sense of humour and you can just join my new "kiss my ass" club!

And the winner goes to.

Not really bad acting,just stupidity at it's best.

Arsenal

2009-08-17T01:05:00.000-07:00

Since this is my blog,I can say whatever the hell I want. I own it! I love it! I love it!
For today's post,I'm gonna talk about sports. Football in particular. Well,mostly it's gonna be about Arsenal.

Critics have been criticizing Arsenal like shiiit. It's been going on for years now. Ever since King Henry went away :( .
I really feel like beating the shit out of Adebayor because he's an asswipe. However that might require the assistance of three grown men and a 2x4 barbed wire. That guy's huge. I also hate him because he's one of the reasons Toure went out. So,fuck you Adebayor.

Their departure might also be a blessing in disguise. We still have Vermaelen at the back. And if anything happens to him or Gallas,Senderos can replace either one of them.

This post might land me in hot water. An African who plays football in my field has a friend who knows Adebayor. So,publicly cursing him might be harmful to me. But then again,it's kinda cool to tell my friends, "dudeee,yesterday Adebayor beat the shit out of me!"

I know you're probably saying,"1 win doesn't mean anything," but I'll bask in the glory of the victory. I mean,a win away from home is a great thing,but to trash a team away from home is fantastic. Especially when I was worried they won't perform,just because I keep losing in winning eleven whenever I use Arsenal.

Salsa sikit bang!

I'll end my post now because I know all you non-football fans are cursing me for now because I'm talking about shits that you don't even care about. And all you Chelsea,Man U,and Liverpool fans are also cursing me too. I know.

Swine fucking flu

2009-08-11T04:45:00.000-07:00

Exams. This is the time where teachers and students shit their pants. Literally. Well,not really. Hey wait,maybe there's an exception. There was this guy I met during Seafield's IU,who introduced himself as the man who shat his pants when we were in primary school. What a classic moment.

Teachers have been talking about the same thing over and over again. H1N1. I personally would blame this kid for it,but doctor's opinion might differ.

I mean,who the hell would kiss a freaking pig?

It's up to Horatio Caine to find out the truth.

This picture is a classic. Not only because it's what happens in every episode of CSI,but also because in the third shot,he's trying to wear those shades,when he's already wearing one.
BTW,the the 'he' he's referring to is Michael Jackson.

There are actually a lot of these cartoons of Horatio.
Another funny one before I leave.

I'm out.

FmyLife

2009-08-02T23:36:00.001-07:00

The epitome of a lifeless,single man - Constantly searching for an excuse to get out of this house and drive. Coupled with the fact that I listen to 80's songs,I'm probably the exact definition of what they call 'orang bujang.'

You know what 80's artists share in common? Their hairstyle.

This guy isn't even from the 80's but his hair is awesome. Something I'd like to try in the future. *if i manage to grow enough facial hair*

If in the dictionary they wanted to put a picture for the definition of lifeless,I'd be a prime candidate.

Now's the time I should be shitting myself because trials is in about 10 days from now but suddenly, I'm into cars. I should be into books at the moment. Worst thing is,I don't even have a pencil box. My last pencil box was given to me by Pn.Chong because I scored an A for Science.

Hey wait,that's an excuse to go out. :) . Sadly,baby's gone. She's sick. :( .

How I wish :'(

P : Edited

2009-07-28T23:23:00.003-07:00

My quest to obtain a driving license has been a hell of a ride. Plenty of ups (passing my undang,passing my road test,passing my parking test) and downs (failing my undang,killing a chicken),it has been a great experience.

In fact,if I ever have the chance to become a director,my first movie would be about this. The events will be altered a little. I'll probably add a love interest to the movie to spice things up. My love interest would be someone who looks like

To add more drama to the story,I'd probably make it a love triangle,with the other love interest looking more like

The guy who'll test me for my QTI will look like

I don't think I;ll need to look far for my QTI man.

Hint : One of them is my QTI guy.

My JPJ man will be

Kimbo Fucking Slice!! And for no apparent reason,in the movie,he'll be shirtless when he's testing me. And we'll eventually get in a fight. And the ensuing melee causes me to fail my JPJ test. That leaves more space for a sequel which shall be done if the first is a box office hit.

There you have it. A great movie that is much different compared to what I really experienced. Heck,all 'based on true events' movies are altered so that the audience would love it. If I made a movie about what really happened it'll be labeled a comedy

Eg.
QTI guy : Pintu tak tutup,signal tak bagi,apa pon tak mau buat!
QTI guy after I go to wrong way : You mau bawak saya pergi mana!

P

2009-07-28T23:23:00.001-07:00

Oh hye! You have just reached the blog of a legal driver! Enjoy your stay!

Malaysia XI vs Manchester United part II.

2009-07-20T22:34:00.000-07:00

Now,before you read further into this post,please note that I am an Arsenal fan,and I intend to remain as one in the future.

Normally,I won't enjoy myself when I go out. This year,probably the only time I had fun was during the rugby tournament. However,yesterday was an exception.

I don't want to be the asshole who brags about the fun he had last night,but.. hey wait,I probably AM that asshole.

I came in disguised as an MU fan. I even brought my dad's MU cap to blend in with the crowd. The camouflage worked well.

The atmosphere was incredible. Whenever a fan came in with a jersey of another team,the whole crowd will boo that person and then proceed to ask that person to take off his clothes. "Bukaak! Bukak! Bukak!" There was this one occasion when the rempits beside me shouted,I quote, "Balik kampung la weh!!"

When we were doing the Mexican wave for the fifth time, those rempits shouted,again I quote,"Woi cukup ah tu ! Ni bukan pasar tani!!"

On another occasion,when United were warming up,Rooney became the keeper for awhile.
When he didn't save the ball,those rempits shouted "Rooney takde bakaat!!"

*this wasn't yesterday*

Those people were funny as hell. Anyway,the view was breathtaking. Knowing that Rooney,Macheda and Giggs were just meters away from me was amazing. Sadly,I didn't bring home a ball,or a jersey..but fuck it! I love it! I love it!

*For the match analysis,go google it,I won't talk about it if it's in another website.*

That's all for today's post. I'm still an Arsenal fan. You stay classy,blog reader.

GF

2009-07-15T00:40:00.000-07:00

Usually,I'd keep my love life a secret. However,since I'm madly in love,I'll make this an exception. I'd like you to meet her.
Her name is...

PS3.
And nope, PS3 doesn't stand for anything. Not Phang Seng,not Prakash Sekaran and not even "Princess Sarah." It probably stands for Prince Shafeeq III.(inspired by Prince Naseem Hamed.) Bukan SY jugaaaaaa. ;p

She's amazing. She pleases me in every way. No,wait,when I said "she" I mean the PS3,not this guy up here.

Whenever I'm having a bad day,and I feel like beating the shit out of people,she presents me with this masterpiece.

Sorry for the cover.. please don't get angry. :)

The best thing about it is,even if I can't drive legally at this moment,she presents me with this one.

The best thing about this game is,I can go 120 mph and not crap in my pants! However,in real life,it's the opposite.

Yeah,whatever.

Man,she's awesome.

PS III

2009-07-08T04:44:00.000-07:00

I don't know whether I should be jumping with joy or shouting out vulgar words for five continuous minutes.

My brother told me he's going to buy a PS3 this Saturday. This comes as a complete surprise to me because it took him just about...2 days to persuade my dad to buy this baby. Whereas when I wanted to buy my PS2,it took me a few months to persuade him.

I'd like to know what cologne my brother was wearing at that time. Because I suspect,it is the Sex Panther. Well,they've done studies you know,60% of the time,it works...everytime.

A normal teenager would be screaming with joy. I'd probably shout at a random stranger just to let him know how I feel. But,the timing is just off. I'm having my SPM trials next month. And SPM in just about four months. And,I'm about to get my driving license. But then again,this is probably a strategy to keep me at home.

Well,whatever,this is just like the time in Harold and Kumar when they Kumar had sex with a weed and his girlfriend. I'd like to imagine that.. With a PS3.

And I'm gonna end my post with a random picture.

Very unusual of me eh?

Open day

2009-07-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

Open day. 9 times out of 10,after an open day I'll be forced to listen to a speech from my parents. This time it's different. My brother went because my mum couldn't make it.

I didn't follow my brother cause I knew it was pointless and the comments will be the same,year after year.

"Your son is playful/talkative/etc."

Though there was this one time,when I was in standard 6,my Science teacher called me gay because I always look at Firdaus whenever she makes a joke.

So,thinking this was a normal thing,I didn't bother to ask my brother what my teacher said about me. Instead,he told me,Cikgu Padhli said I "banyak berangan-angan" and "kuat bercinta."

Now,here's where it gets interesting. Cikgu Padhli is my PJ teacher. How the heck was he able to know that I "kuat bercinta" if he only teaches PJ. The worst thing is,during PJ I only play football, with a bunch of guys !

Teachers. They always think negative. There was this time when my Physics teacher was teaching me,I got confused because Sets got involved. And Sets is a Mathematics topic. So I told him ; "Aiyoo difficult lah. I'm not good at Sets." He gave me a weird look for five seconds until he finally realized what I meant.

Chicken

2009-07-02T02:04:00.000-07:00

On the 2nd of July 2009, I murdered a chicken.
*you're fucking cruel man!*

I murdered it while I was driving at 40kph
*you're fucking stupid man!*

To make matters worse,my driving instructor made me feel terribly guilty.

"Aiyah macha you just killed a chicken lah. Pity that fella. We could've ate it together. First time you know in my life,my student kill a chicken on the road"
"Is it my fault?"
"Yea lah ! Never look at the road some more"

He kept repeating "Macha,you killed a chicken" after that incident.
And,I broke his plate number.

Sorry,your distant cousin is gone. There was nothing I could do. Please don't hurt me.

A true legend

2009-06-27T04:58:00.000-07:00

A true legend has passed away. I;m deeply saddened by the news.

*like wtf!? this isn;t michael jackson!? but she's hot as hell! that makes me sad as well!*

Farrah Fawcett has passed away. A true icon. A sex symbol. One of the original "angels"
She succumbed to cancer yesterday after a three year fight. I can't say anything more. I;m too hurt to talk. Deepest condolence to her family. We miss you dearly.

inner monologue of reader : what the fuck!? is this guy even aware that michael jackson is dead!? he's ignoramus!

FML!

2009-06-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Usually,on a blogger's 100th post,he/she will write about all the achievements/the changes she/he have been through in terms of blogging or shits like that. But for me,I probably won't do it cause blogging really hasn't changed me much as a person. I'll probably wait for the 2nd anniversary for that special post.

On my 100th post,I'm gonna nag about Malaysians. Malaysians are bunch of assholes. Wait,that's too generalized. That's just like saying I'm an asshole too. Let me rephrase that,my neighbours are bunch of dickweeds! I was locked outside my house just hours ago because my mum went to Mydin with my maid,bringing her key along with her. This caused me to be stranded outside there like a homeless man. I even tried lock picking my grill. But it ain't as easy as Smackdown vs Raw 2009!

So,I decided by putting on a depressed/sad face,my neighbours would ask me stuffs and eventually help me out. The first person who came out of his house,was my neighbor who's been a total asshole since I've known him. He completely ignored the fact that I was sitting in the middle of the road,looking depressed and supposedly suffering through dehydration. Instead,he just walked past me as if I was a ghost.

The second person to see me stranded in the middle of the road was my neighbour who lives directly in front of my house. I thought she was gonna offer me some help because she looked friendly. Instead,when her son asked her what I was doing there,she told her son to ignore me,seemingly because I looked like a murderer.

The third and final neighbour only managed a smile,before quickly entering her house. After a few hours,my mum finally came back from Mydin,finally ending my misery.

Now,I'm fairly disappointed by my neighbour's actions. The first guy's an exception. I expected that from him. But,even Africans are much friendlier than my neighbours!
There was this time when I was playing football at the USJ20 field,I had to take off my clothes because my team conceded the first goal. The African who saw me said I looked sexy and smiled while he stared at my body.

On another occasion,another African took off his clothes. My friend said his body looks great. I think he overheard him because he smiled at him for a solid 3 seconds.

To end this post,I'm gonna use my new trademark.FML!

LIFE SUCKS

2009-06-17T23:47:00.001-07:00

I usually don't admit to regretting things because it makes me prone to constant mental and physical abuse from my friends. However,this is probably the one and only exception to that. I regret taking EST as the 10th subject. I repeat,I regret taking EST as the 10th subject.

Yes,I know you might be laughing your ass off at the moment but there's a reason to why I;m saying this.
i) I have to stay back every Wednesday and Thursday until 2.20. Before this,students would go back at 1.40 daily,no matter if you take it or if you don't. Now they've changed it. They added one extra period to Physics,which means on Wednesday,the students who drop EST would go back at 1.05 and students who take EST will go back at 2.20. This ain't such a problem because me,Kamarul and Suraya will go back early every Wednesday. This means 2 demerit a week. But the idea of going back late every Wednesday scares me shitless.

ii) EST is probably the most strictest subject ever.
Exhibit A ; My answer : The foetus will ______
Actual answer: Foetus will _______
(This cost me three marks because there was three questions in one column. And three marks is about 4%)
Exhibit B ; My answer : Method of ________
Actual answer: A method of _______

iii) I lost my "Mr.EST" title to Fitry because we made a bet. He probably won because Mr.Thiru marked his paper but he won't settle for an arguement.

Life sucks.

Birthday

2009-06-12T23:49:00.000-07:00

Time passes by so damn fast. Suddenly, I get to say that my birthday is next Thursday. Now,I usually don't like birthdays,because it just means that you've officially aged. No big fuss about it. However,some birthdays bring good things to me.

For instance,when I turned 13,I thought "Hey! Now that I'm a teenager,people would take me more seriously!" Turns out being 13 doesn't make a difference. Just like in Mariah Carey's "Through the Rain",

Mariah Carey - Through The Rain
. -

(just listen to the first 20 seconds) my parents would reply "You are a kid! You don't know what you believe in!" to just about everything I asked for. Then there was the time when I turned 15,the time that I again thought that I was going to be treated more seriously. Instead,my parents just asked me to study because I was gonna face the "career-deciding exam." Fast forward to 2009,my parents tell me that I'm gonna face another "career-deciding exam."

Now,the point of this post isn't to ask people to buy me presents,although,I'll be happy to accept almost any presents ^^. Note : ALMOST anything. Because receiving a mug that says wouldn't really make me happy. Instead,I'll be forced to showcase my great acting skills in front of the person who gave it to me. Although I hate receiving mugs, I recently gave my friend a mug for her birthday. I'm not sure if she liked it or not but if she didn't,she's got the potential to be a great actress.

Personally,I'd prefer a mug that says because...because it's funny.

Okay,the real point of the post is,now that I'm turning 17,it's legal for me to drive. And I'm not sure what's gonna be different. Probably nothing. Just that the ability to horn people or be an asshole on the road really excites me. You're probably thinking "That's the only point? What shit is this!?" If that's what you're thinking,then you're right. I'm outta ideas.

Oh shit I forgot. I haven't got started on the BM shit Roszaimi gave my class two weeks back. Byee.

License to kill

2009-06-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

As we grow older,our view of certain things change. For example,when I was 3,I used to think everything in tv is scripted. Yes,even Premier League football. That all changed when I watched someone break his leg. I remember saying something like "gugu gaga gaga" which in English means "What the hell is that shit!?" That's when I knew,somethings in tv are real.

This wasn;t the one I watched,this was in 2oo8.

Another example is when I thought if I said words like bodoh,or babi,I can be sentenced to death. Well,at least that's what my parents wanted me to believe. This was when I was 7 or 8. It wasn't until I accidentally said one of those words, I found out,it ain't such a big deal. Now,those words are top in my dictionary,even above words such as I,me,you,(insert common words.)

Well,the point of this post is, when I was young,I also thought that I'll never drive a car. I thought only selected people are able to drive. It all changed when I was in Form 1,when my brother started driving his Mini Copper back in 2005. That's when I thought,"In four years time,I'd be just like him!"
All that changed when the car got stolen somewhere around 2006 or 2007.

Anyways,the real point of this post is just to tell you that I passed my undang test. It wasn't as easy as I expected. I failed the first time. 40/50. Right after my parents knew I failed the test, I received this message ; "Dad asked why so stupid? Easy test also can fail" from my mum. Yes,from my mum. That's probably the most demoralizing message a person can receive. I laughed,and at that time I was alone,so of course,people were staring at me.

I immediately decided to retake the test,and without wasting much time, I went to SS15 to retake the test. I scored 45/50. I was the only one in the room. I was shouting due to excitement,but the shouting was marred by the presence of a surveillance camera. It was recording me the whole time. The guards looking at the recording must've been laughing all the time.

It's a rare occurrence for me to blog about what happens in my life,but this is probably in the top 10 best moments of my life,pressing the keputusan button and seeing my results. If I didn't notice that camera,I'd probably would've done my victory dance, Adebayor style.

Anyways,time ain't on my side. That's it for today;s post. Byebye.

Passion

2009-05-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

My passion of blogging has been diminished. Or in the words of Pn Salamiah,my former Physics teacher,"real,inverted and diminished." Also,in the words of Salim K. Malik,"it's long gone brother."

Fulamaaak macam T.I. pon ada.

Anyways,exams are over,which is a good thing because I can finally take my driving license. If all things go well,in two months time,I'm gonna be like Chamillionaire in his "Ridin' Dirty" video clip.

eh yowh,how's the shakes?

On another note,yesterday was the most boring day of my life. 7 hours in a room,with no friends to talk to, really takes its toll on you. To make matters worse,my handphone ran out of battery. Especially when people kept staring at me when I was in the canteen because I was the only one alone,and below 20 years of age. Buuut,bak kata pepatah Melayu "Bersusah susah dulu,bersenang-senang kemudian" I mustered all my courage to get past the 7 hours in that place. And yeah,I;m talking about the driving ceramah thing.

That's all for today's post. There wasn't much to be told from yesterday's outing/torture/event. Except for the inability to sleep because the person in charge threatened to not give us the certificate if we slept.

Stupidity

2009-05-24T23:18:00.000-07:00

I got injured last week,thanks to my stupidity. The incident happened at the USJ20 futsal court,at around 7.30p.m.. Only about 5-6 people were there. So,we got bored and we decided to play penalty shootouts. I was the keeper.

The first person to take the spot kick was Senu,a Form 1 guy who looks just like *thick indian accent* Jaamaaaaal Maliiiik when he was young.

Bottom line is,he's a small guy. In other words,he can't kick the ball hard. So,gleaming with confidence,I decided to hang onto the bar of the goal post to save the ball.

This will give you a better idea. I saved his shot anyways. I saved the next two guy's shots also. Then it was Raj's turn. Raj is six foot tall. He can shoot the ball harder than 99% of the people I've met over the course of my life. Well,actually his height doesn't matter but mentioning it just gives it an extra dose of manliness to him. (The 1% is occupied by all the Africans I've met in my 16 years of living)

But,out of sheer arrogance and confidence,I kept hanging onto the bar. Of course I was scared but if I let go of the bar,I thought it would've gave him an impression that I was scared of him. That was a decision I regret to this day. Anyways,he shot the ball with sheer force that before it reached my face,I'm pretty sure I said "Dude,I'm screwed.". Well,obviously I lost grip of the post and I fell to the ground,right on my arse.

It was painful,but due to embarassment,I quickly stood up. Everyone was laughing at me. Raj kept apologizing to me but it really wasn't his fault. On the way back,he kept asking questions like "Tomorrow what's your exam?" and I could've sworn he really didn't give a shit about what exams I have the following day. Anyways,I appreciated his efforts. I probably would've done the same thing if I was him.

So,the moral of the story is,don't do anything retarded.

Exam

2009-05-15T21:38:00.001-07:00

Two weeks away from temporary freedom. This has probably eased off the pressure. I don't feel the need to study anymore. Instead,I watch DVDs,play futsal,go to the gym, and last but not least,visit stupid sites.

I've found a new one. This site is awesome. www.awkwardboners.com . Yeap,you read it right. Don't get what it means? Well,this is an example.

Still not getting it?

There are alot more funny pictures in that website. The best thing about it,is it proves that Cristiano Ronaldo is actually gay.

That;s it for today's post. I miss rugby :( . OH AND I MISS ANWARUL HISYAM HAHAHAHA.

unexpected

2009-05-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

I slept last night thinking I'd be in either of these places at 10 o clock the following day;
i)School(worst-case scenario)
ii)Rohit's house
iii)My house
iv)McDonald in Taipan
v)True Fitness Taipan

Instead,I found myself in One Utama,which is very unexpected. The stupidest thing about it is I was wearing track-bottoms,a not-so nice t-shirt,and school shoes. People gave me stares as if my pants had shit-stains. Especially when I'd sometimes laugh when I think about a picture I saw yesterday.

Anyways,Fight Club is a nice movie so far,I've only watched it for 1 hour++.
You might've seen it but most probably you won't remember it cause it's an old movie.

It's the type of movie that makes you say "What the fuck is this shit!?" and in the end after they've revealed everything you'd be saying "Ooo." In a nutshell,it's a nice movie.

Anyways,the picture I saw yesterday.

As usual,click to enlarge
If you don't get the joke I suggest you commit suicide.

2009-05-06T00:02:00.000-07:00

I get bored very easily. That's why I visit blogs like JustAGuyThing,ArtOfManliness,Askmen.com and BlogOfHilarity regularly. These blogs provide advice and humour when I'm bored. Most importantly,they provide entertainment. And this time,entertainment comes in the form of this video

The title doesn't sound funny. Heck,12 months in Malay is dua belas bulan. Nothing funny about that. But,please listen to my advice when I say,this video is funny as hell. Even I did not expect to laugh.

The interviewee is a total asshole by the way. And I don't think those girls understand what they're really saying. But,imagine learning this in class.

That's it for now. Exam's next week and I feel stupid. I missed the time when most of my classmates were stupid. There was absolutely no pressure. I wouldn't have to worry about getting 3 for Add Maths because that was considered okay. WAS.

Bye .

Asswipe

2009-04-28T00:41:00.000-07:00

Friendly against USJ4 got postponed because.. because.. I don't know why ? I was eager to play because if Harris didn't want to play as a fullback I would've occupied that position. And being a fullback is fun because I can shout orders at my people and they must follow those orders.

Anyways,screw it. Scouts night is over. I promised I'd study once Scouts night finished buut seems like I haven't even started. The most disappointing thing about Scouts night is there's not much pictures. Not gonna blog about that cause nothing interesting happened that night.. except for Mithun's dance with Ee Vien.

Found a few interesting pictures online which managed to make me laugh.

All these pictures don't fit so click on them for a better view.

Don't get this one ?
Thiiink. Think haard.

Bye.

April

2009-04-23T23:13:00.001-07:00

April really hasn't been a good month for me.
I got caught 'using' the teacher's toilet three times when in fact I've been using it for almost everyday since last year.

The first time wasn't such a scare, Pn.Nuraini saw me coming out of the toilet. She even smiled at me. She didn't give me any d'merit points for that.

The third time was yesterday. I entered the teacher's toilet twice yesterday. The first time,I caught a prefect using it. He scared the shit out of me. He was also scared. The first time I didn;t get caught. After realising I dropped my wallet in the toilet, I entered it again. I got caught this time, by Padhli. He let me off cause..cause... I don't wanna say it.

The second one was the scariest of the three experiences. I was shitting happily when suddenly I heard the sound of the door opening. I immediately shat my pants. Wait,that doesn't make any sense, I was naked at that time. Well,whatever. FYI it's safe to be naked in the cubicle in the teacher's toilet. Teacher's are more civilised than students.

Anyways back to the story. I was scared shitless. The best picture to describe my expression is this

Anyways,right after the door opened,I heard someone whistling. Immediately I thought of Mr.Thiru. After a while,that person sang an Indian song. By that time I knew it was him. I didn't know what to do. My business in the toilet was done. He then proceeded to knock on my door,which made me piss a lil bit. I just kept quiet the whole time. After a while, he phoned a person and I heard him talk in BM with that person. I was scared he might've called Padhli to check on the occupied cubicle.

I braved myself and went out of the cubicle. He saw me and asked me what the hell am I doing there. I told him that the boy's toilet is locked and he actually believed me and he let me off.

That's all for today. Nothing much happening in my life lately.
Scouts night is on Sunday. I'm off.

2009-04-15T01:39:00.001-07:00

The time has come,again,for me to search for pictures of male celebrities.
The last time I searched for pictures of male celebrities was when I started working out. That was the time when pictures of

Mark Wahlberg and
Vin Diesel appeared regularly on my laptop screen.

But this time it's different. Last time I looked at those pictures for inspiration and motivation.

Scouts night is next week,and IU night is in two weeks time. IU night's theme is Asian vs Western which means I can choose whether I wanna wear traditional clothes or normal formal clothes. This puts me in a difficult situation because I don't know what the hell am I supposed to wear.

This is the time when celebrities like
Justin Timberlake

David Beckham
and Adam Levine come in handy.

My friends think I should wear traditional clothes for IU night. Buuut I think I look like shit in Baju Melayu.
Even David Archuleta's trying to urge me to wear traditional clothes.
AAAAAAAAA

asdjkl

2009-04-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

April 10th 2009
Yet another gay experience today. This one beats the other experiences.
The incident took place in school. First and second period was PJ. So as usual me and some of the 5C students would play football at the basketball court. As usual,I'd sweat like shit.
So,I didn't wanna change my PJ clothes. Instead,I wanted to buy water at the canteen.
So,I was walking to the canteen with Rifdi. On the way to the canteen,Cikgu Padhli saw me. Suddenly,he called me to the discipline room. I was puzzled.

"Shapik! Tukar baju tu."
"Okay okay. Nanti lah cikgu"
"Tak boleh! Sekarang juga"
"Okay okay"

I walked off,thinking he asked me to change my clothes in the toilet. Then,he said the most unbelieavable words.

"Awak nak pergi mana tu? Tukar kat sini!"

I was shocked and scared at the same time. Rifdi ran,saving himself.

"Cikgu,nanti la saya pergi tandas."
"Tak boleh,tukar kat sini"

I used all my courage to change my clothes in the same room,with Cikgu Padhli. Let me rephrase that, A ROOM THAT ONLY HAS ME AND CIKGU PADHLI IN IT.

Luckily,I made it alive. But I noticed him checking out my bod when I took out my PJ shirt. That made me scared because if he attacked me,I can't fight back. I don't wanna cause any discipline problems before Open Day.

Anyways, Scouts Night is on 26th. Or 25th. That's not confirmed yet buuut.
Are you talented?
Do you enjoy performing on stage?
Can you amaze people?

We are searching for people who have the ability to provide entertainment. Any form of entertainment is welcomed.
You will be performing for SMK USJ 13’s Scouts Annual Dinner on the 25th of April.
Are you interested? Below are the audition details:

10th of April (Friday) 1pm - 4pm
17th of April (Friday) 1pm - 4pm
18th of April (Saturday) 11.30am – 2.30pm
SMK USJ 13, Dewan Budiman

For any questions or information regarding the audition, please contact

Yap Beng Kiat ~ 012-273 9406
Teo Fen Leigh ~ 016- 208 9790

Latinoo Heat!

2009-03-27T03:29:00.000-07:00

EST

2009-03-24T04:47:00.001-07:00

EST. The abbreviation of English for Science and Technology. However, for me,it is Easy and Simple Test. Nahh,just kidding. I failed to get an A for the first time in my life in that subject. In fact,I got a C. This was probably because I included emotions in my essay. EST's essay is meant to be boring and emotionless.

Pn.Zuana is tryna convince her students to drop the subject. God knows why but I can think of three solid reasons ;
a) She's daring us to prove her wrong
b) She wants to teach less people. In other words,she wants to make her life easier
c) She just doesn't want to be embarassed by her student's marks.

My friend,scored an A,A1 in fact. *nama tak payah cakap aa hahaha*. She told him "You won't score an A in SPM." Worse thing is,before she gave out the papers,she guaran-damn-teed us that 99% of us won't score an A in EST.

However,I still won;t drop that subject. Why? Some jobs require EST. I don;t know what job but that is what I've heard. And I'd be damned if the essay came out a topic that I know very well. Let's say,urm a topic like muscle? Plus wouldn't it be nice if the grades go down for this year,and probably 70 will be considered A1. And one more,I won;t be sad if I fail to score an A. At least I tried my best. Tapi kalau fail ke something like that tu memang sengal la.

Plus,if this prick can score and A by writing a boring essay,why can't you ?
HAHAHA LEK Kamarul!

Pigs

2009-03-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

This post is for my brother and his girlfriend.
Both aren't in Msia. Nonono,don;t get the wrong idea,one's in OZ,the other's in Indonesia I think.

Snowy
gave birth to three mini pigs.
I thought of taking pictures of them but then some web said it isn't advisable cause the mother of the newborns might eat their sons/daughters/offsprings if the mother feels they're not safe.

One looks exactly like Cody,but obviously smaller.
The other looks like a Snowy Jr.
The last one is like a hybrid between the parents,like the one that died.
That's all about the pigs.

To end my holiday,I had four hours of tuition,and electricity got cut off from 8-13, just in time for my Add Maths tuition.

I hate my life.

Dragonball

2009-03-16T19:09:00.000-07:00

Back to back dreams of me receiving my SPM result scared the shit out of me.
In one of them,I scored 8a's. The other i can't really remember cause my dreams are really screwed up sometimes. In one of the dreams I received the result in a freaking changing room!
Moving on.

Yesterday I finally watchedI was disappointed.
The dragon. It was smaller than my arms. Even the 'great ape' was kinda small.
And no Krillin!!
They should've chose this guy to play Krillin
or even him
And this guy should've made a cameo as.

Mr. Satan should've been included too.
He should be the actor,or better yet.

That's all, I'm too disappointed to talk. And as always,click on the picture for a larger view

Bahan bukti

2009-02-25T22:44:00.000-08:00

Lately,life sucks for a lot of reason
Exam's coming up next week, no freedom and I don't drive.
Not just that, I've been accused of wearing the same underwear over and over again
What people ( my classmates actually) don't know is, I have the same type of underwear,just a little difference it colour.
That's what they don't notice.

So,the point of this blog is to prove them wrong
Ladies and gentlemen
COMPUTER G LOCK D KIYA JAYE.

THAT IS THE RIGHT ANSWER!!

PS : I tried getting my face in the picture,but that's difficult cause I really wanna show all the underwears

PS 2 : As usual,you want a better view,click on the picture.

Day one

2009-02-23T05:02:00.000-08:00

First day of being an uncle.
Note to retarded self : NEVER,EVEEER LEAVE AN OPEN GUINEA PIG CAGE UNATTENDED.
These are fast creatures.
Especially this one.

2009-02-22T02:37:00.000-08:00

Remember the last time I blogged about having shitloads of disease ?
There's a new one,though this one's not really a disease.
But it caused shitloads of pain anyways.
I got my right hand stitched. The fall wasn't painful,the stitching was.
Am gonna open the needle/suture on wednesday.
Anyone who's been through that please give me some advice.

Anywaaays,this month has been probably the 3rd saddest month of my life,behind last January and last December.

The only highlights of the month was getting stitched and going for the rugby tournament. Wow.

Rugby tournament was fun,but only because of Thinesh. And Mithun for bringing the goodies. Hahaha.

Annyywaaays,Slumdog Millionaire gets a 10/10 from me.
And you don't usually hear that come out from my mouth unless ;
A. It's a retarded movie
B. It's a stupid movie
C. I'm really drunk
D. It's a retarded movie.

That's all. Go watch the movie yourself. I ain't gonna write a damn review unless you're paying me.

I'm really bored. Bye.

"I scored my first try!"

2009-02-11T05:49:00.000-08:00

A broken nose,an injured rib, still,it was worth it. Why?
'Nuff said.

PS: Click on the link for a better view.

TOP 3

2009-02-04T01:16:00.000-08:00

Top 3 movies that make you wanna beat the shit out of people.

3.Never Back Down.
Even the sight of Cam Gigandet's body will make you jealous.The storyline is kinda typical,(boy meets girl,who happens to be the bad guy's girl,they fight over the girl,blablabla) but the fight scenes are awesome.

After you watch this movie,there's a high chance you'll be google-ing for muay thai centres near your place. You'll also be repeating the lines in the movie over and over again.

You'll most probably give a knee to your friend's face to give a message to other people to not mess with you! The songs they used in the movie also makes you wanna break your best friend's neck with your bare hands.
Ratings : 8/10

2.
Troy.
As soon as I finished watching this movie I took my broom and attacked imaginary enemies.
That shows you how amazing this movie is.
I also instantly became a fan of Brad Pitt,not because of his physique but because of his acting. Anyways,I guaran-damn-tee you you;ll imagine being Achilles(main character) right after watching this movie.
This movie just makes you wanna stab anybody who pisses you off,be it with a sword or with a pencil.
Ratings : 9/10

Last but not least
1.
Storyline,300 men go up against 1,000,000 Persians.
'Nuff said.

I thought I can beat the shit out of anyone after watching this movie.
Right after I watched this movie, I changed my dotA (at that time I played dotA from 2-7. Now,I;m retired :] ) name to Leonidas and commanded my team as if I really was Leonidas.
I even screamed the line from this movie over and over again until I got scolded by someone in the nearby surau. HAHA.

This movie just makes you wanna beat the shit out of everyone in your school.
One of the most famous lines you'll be repeating is , "THIS IS SPARTA!" followed by a kick to your opponent's chest.
Ratings : 12/10

Screwed up

2009-01-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

Been viewing sites that are specifically for men.
www.artofmanliness.com and www.askmen.com

And for 90% of my male friends out there, this is for you http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_200/209_love_tip.html

Watched Underworld 3 2 days back. The amazing thing is I watched it with ...
Cool kan ?
Hahaha
Buuut Underworld beeest.
OH YEAH AND I DIDN'T WATCH IT WITH ZAFRIL ONLY.
Sampah ni pun ada
That's all. Ciao.

Fuck

2009-01-16T06:33:00.000-08:00

I'm probably the most unluckiest guy in the world.
First,doctor told me I got shingles. My body looked like shit.
If you wanna know how it looked like,then google shingles image.

Then,I had flu,cough,sore throat,and headache at the same time.
In other words, "demam teruk"

Today,I have costochondritis. This lasts for 3-6 months.
I won't be able to exercise.
Doctor told me to not play sports at all,which I will have to obey this time.
This means,no rugby,no futsal,no football,no etc.

This sucks.

Sekolah

2009-01-12T05:53:00.000-08:00

This sucks. I get to know how school life really is. Before this, I didn't even know how it feels like to complete my own homework. I mean,do everything all by myself. The last time I did my own homework was probably in 2004. Zaman UPSR. Last year, 90% of my..wait no,100% of my homework was either copied or not complete. My BM books are all empty.

This year,everything's changed. Shafiq telah menemui jalan yang benar. *Menuju Puncak played in the background*This happens to be my favourite pose now.

OH and yeah,I also am the AJK FORM 5 for Club Perabot!!
So,disrespect me,and you'll be sitting on the floor ! *Muka satan*
Andd also,AJK Form 5 for Rugby.
*bangga ni*
Shafiq has better things to do. Byeee.

Life's retarded

2009-01-07T22:25:00.000-08:00

Pretty retarded week. I'm trying my best to be a better student,and Roszaimi's being a bitch to me. Heck,even my resolution to not get any d'merit points is crushed. And it's only the FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL. I guess it's true, New Year's resolution are always meant to be broken.

Last year was probably the same case,but last year I was an asshole. If teacher had the authority to give merit points for students who write stupid stuffs in their exam paper,most probably I would've been expelled. I remember my first stupid thing I wrote in my BM paper.

The question asked me to construct a sentence with the word 'julang'
I wrote;

"Nama saya ialah Muhammad Julang"

Worst thing is, I was proud of it and I told almost everyone I know.
Teacher didn't give me marks for that,and, I did argue with her,but that's because my BM teacher was Puan Memi x 2.
And this might be something stupid to say but I miss her. HAHAHA.

I even did these things. Well,not exactly,but you get the idea.
That's all for today's post. I'm tired.

Ps: Click on the picture to get a clearer view.

Define

2009-01-04T22:17:00.000-08:00

Hey people. Since most of my friends don't blog anymore,I've decided to update my blog,in hopes of inspiring other people to restart blogging.

It's that time of the year again. The start of school. Not gonna blog about that,that's too typical. What I'm gonna blog about,is unique. It's what a normal person won't expect to see in someone's blog. I'm gonna blog about the creation of my own new word, xaxau.

You may wonder, "What the hell is Shafiq talking about? Xaxau is an old word."
Yes,you might be true. But you are wrong. I've done my research,I've checked the dictionary,I've even asked SmarterChild. And he ain't got no idea about that word. Heck,he doesn't even know what the hell I;m talking about.

Anyways, you may have seen this word in some shuffle groups,for example. Blablabla xaxau republic. But, what does it mean ? I am here, to define that word.

Xaxau to me,is crazy. Suprisingly,it is a Malay word. You may wonder, why is it a Malay word ? Republic is an English word. Why use a Malay word,with an English word ? Well,to be honest,I ain't got no idea.

Xaxau also has it's sign.
The SNAKE FIST!
A deadly move,a must-have in one's arsenal of knowledge.
Xaxau,when used with the word 'gila', IE ; Gila xaxau!
It actually means, FUCKING CRAZY!

Xaxau has various meanings, for example,the abbreviation of xaxau,xau,is used to call people. IE ; "Xau,kau gi mana tadi?"

That is all for today's post. There are more meanings,but time is running out. And yeap,you're right, I am bored as fuck.

Bosan

2008-12-15T03:56:00.000-08:00

Currently,my life is kinda boring. Tuition,gym,futsal and sometimes futsal at night. I've been kinda addicted to Friends nowadays.

"How you doin'?" Hahaaaa.

Andddd, I'm also a new fan of Thor!The movie is coming out in 2010. Andd
He might play Thor.

That's all. I'm bored. Saya perlukan inspirasi.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

2008-12-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

Although the rash usually heals within two to four weeks, some sufferers experience residual nerve pain for months or years, a condition called postherpetic neuralgia.

ANDD

Throughout the world the incidence rate of herpes zoster every year ranges from 1.2 to 3.4 cases per 1,000 healthy individuals, increasing to 3.9–11.8 per year per 1,000 individuals among those older than 65 years.

It's like there is 1000 people,standing in a line,and this disease chose me and 2.4 other people.

I feel like listening to a sad Maroon 5 / Air Supply song.

SMILE

2008-12-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

HEY PEOPLE. JUST GOT BACK FROM KAMPUNG. AND IM SUFFERING FROM SOMETHING CALLED SHINGLES. SO, I CAN SPREAD CHICKEN POX. IN OTHER WORDS,IM POWERFUL. :D

I'm in pain. This thing is hurting me. Doctor said I can't play football and/or go to the gym. Doctor even said I need to stay at home for 10 days. Doctor asked me to be responsible,don't spread the disease but most probably I won't listen to the doctor and still go to the gym and/or play football. Sadly,my body looks like shit now. I feel like shit now. No, that's an insult to shit.

Awkwaard

2008-12-03T19:59:00.000-08:00

Nowadays, I feel retarded. I would sometimes shout "Kaaaaaaaaaaaak! Basuh bilik!" and realise two seconds later that I don't have a maid. PLUS, I think my tuition teacher thinks I'm retarded too. He was teaching me Add Maths yesterday he told me that graph-like thing is called Cartesian plane. I thought he said Kaarthegeson plane so I laughed hysterically.
And if you don't know who's Kaarthegeson,he's the one in the middle,getting bullied by some fuckers. Hahaha.

That's all for today's post. Running out of ideas. Byee :)

Haka Maori

2008-11-29T22:54:00.000-08:00

Today my mum sent my maid back to Indonesia. This means,I've got no maid for like 2,3 weeks. Berdikari! Yakin diri, ikrar dan janji kami! (Lagu Sekolah Kebangsaan Seafield 3) Kinda suprised I still remember that song. The word berdikari always reminds me of that song.

Anywaaays,since tomorrow's December,I'm gonna start my tuition. Which also means I ain't gonna go out often from now on. Hopefully la. Plus,Radhi's off to Penang for one month. Tinggal three brothers je la. Hahaha.

Since I ain;t going out often, I think I wanna learn how to dance like New Zealand All Blacks rugby players.

Imagine me dancing like that. HAHAHA. KAMATE KAMATE AA !

ICE SKATE 2

2008-11-27T03:07:00.000-08:00

Todayyy me and my machaas went ice skating,agaaain. Andd for the first time in my life, I DID NOT FALL! ANDD MY KETIAK DIDN'T GET WET! HAHAHA!

Also, after five tries,I've finally learned how to skate. *proudlook*

Oh and met alot of familiar faces. Other than ice skating,did nothing much. Actually,nothing much happened today.

Anywaaays,pictures from todayy.
These fuckers are wearing the ice skating shoe lah. I'm not that damn short!

That's all the pictures I have now. Others are in other people's phone/camera. Ciaociao!

Wasted

2008-11-26T17:41:00.001-08:00

Why the fuck did I waste four days of my life in 'Nam?

HAUH!

2008-11-22T09:04:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow,will be going to Vietnam. Nope,not for war. Not gonna be Vietnam's Leonidas.
Going there for four days. Holiday. I know you're gonna miss me. Gonna leave you a video before I go. GILA DRAMATIC SIAL. HAHA.

Bye :)

ICE SKATE

2008-11-17T04:20:00.000-08:00

Today,me,Radhi and Fajran went ice skating. Actually I planned to go with Radhi only. Bapak takley imagine sial dua org je ice skate. Gay gila. Anywaaays, I found out that wearing v-neck attracts gay(s).

At first this guy tried to bang me. So I shouted. Then he skated off. So I shouted to Fajran.
"Pundek mamat tadi nak langgar aku doh. Sial gila"

I turn around and he was behind me. Smiling at me.

The same ~~guy~~ gay kept staring at me. He even tried to push me. Mentang2 la aku tak reti skate kan. Probably my 10th scary,gay experience.

Anywaaaaaays,I shouted like a girl in the ice skating place. I even hugged Radhi,for balance. Before this I hugged Kamarul and one whole gang of teenagers pointed at us. That was embarassing as fuck. Anywaaaays pictures from that day.
Abang vain kita.
I look like a Japanese guy.
That's alll. We didn't do much there. We tried super skinny jeans that look like crap on me. Tapi Fajran pakai worse la. HAHAHA. BYE.