Goodbye

They say the only constant thing in life is change. A powerful saying, but you may be hard pressed to disagree. Still not convinced? Well then, take a second to ponder, because I thought about it hours before I started this post and the only thing I can think of that is constant is Syahmi Aziz's hairstyle.

2010
2011
2020!?

Nah, I'm just fucking with you, he used to look like this.

Okay okay, I'll stop it, this is supposed to be a serious post.

Truth is, I thought about it hours before and thank God I'm lucky enough to say there are things that have been constant in my life for at least 7 years now. One particular thing is the fact that I've been friends with this guy since we were 12.

Sorry bai, gambar lain tak cukup umph, ini paling memorable, selain daripada patah tangan tu. hahahaha

Yeah, we may not have been the best of friends throughout the whole time, because we only became very very close(not what you think, asshole) last year, but the fact remains, I have known him longer than Arsenal's trophy drought. (hey wait, that might be the reason!)

From humble beginnings where he'd headbutt my forearm for no apparent reason, to more recent times where he'd piss the fuck out of me by bailing out or by coming very VERY VEERRYYY late, it's safe to say we've been through a lot. It's also safe to say that when he comes back, the bond will remain unchanged. It's also safe to say that next July when he comes back the same group of people who was in KLIA on Monday will be there to greet him back with arms wide open. And last but not least, it's also safe to say, that I'll be playing futsal/watching EPL games/hanging out in stadium/hanging out in any other random place we happen to come across/doing some random shit/watching movies/karaoke-ing/playing football/etc with him when he gets back.

I normally don't write emotional or heartfelt things in my blog because I prefer to keep my personal life the way it should be kept, well, personal but this one is an exception. Yes, I did not shed any tears but as an engineer would say, the amount of tears shed is not proportional to the sadness felt deep inside my heart. And since I have an ego the size of my biceps, I've not been able to muster enough courage to say words that are only said in the climax of a movie(not what you think again, asshole), so here goes. I'm saying it through another medium. And I believe I speak for the others when I say this so here goes,

Hey, I know how you...




Takde feel la pulak dalam English, it's not like I speak to him in English pun. Let's do this again,



Bai, sorry ah aku banyak marah-marah lately. Hormones la katakan. Lagipun orang lain pun buat hal, mana tak panas! (ada ke den kata demo nak show off bawak tt!?) Hahaha, but papehal pun goodluck ah kat sana, ni saja je nak drama lebih dalam blog. Macam ah takde whatsapp/twitter/skype. Sedih baii, time balik rumah, aku dalam bilik sorang2, terkenang la pulak. Background tiba-tiba pasang lagu Saleem, zaman-zaman karok kita. Hahaha. Nanti dah Alexandria first 5, boleh lawan dengan the new and improved Team Bring It. Siap ada jersey nanti baii! Adam pun dah 70 kilo! Hebat bro, hebat! Hahaha, tu je lah, tulis lebih karang ada pulak yang suspect!

In case you don't understand BM, you're missing out a lot. That was the most heartfelt words a man can ever say to another man without being deemed a homosexual. I even broke the bro code on Monday.
All for a bro.

I AM PISSED!

This might be the most random blog post you'll ever read in your life, but I'm pissed off, so please bear with me. I just knocked down Isaac Frost, the bastard who's been whooping my ass since last Thursday in Fight Night : Champions, the latest boxing game by EA. That may not seem like a great feat for any of you, but before I announce my amazing achievement, go google Isaac Frost and read a lil bit about him to know what I'm talking about. Go on, whatchu waiting for. Come on, I'm not gonna wait.

OKAY. Since you're a lazy bastard, Isaac Frost is the boss in the game. He's a tank. He's a beast. He's a fucking animal. Simply put, he's unbeatable, and I just gave him a punch that brought him straight back to Disneyland.

just look at him, he looks like a freaking criminal!

Now, if that isn't impressive for you, this is. I've been tryna put his sorry ass down on the ground for 10 hours of gameplay. Not consecutive hours, but accumulated hours (i'm still sane). And I finally did it, and the difficulty was set as pro. Do you know how frustrated I am? To finally knock his sense out of him for at least 4 seconds(cause that's when he stood up) is satisfying as hell, and that's an understatement. I can't really describe how I feel. It feels like when I just got my spm results last year. I went from "omg I'm gonna shit my pants" straight to "holy hell, is this my result?" That's how I actually felt when I put that fucker down. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was one step away from succeeding. Another knock down and I'm sure that asshole wouldn't wanna get back up. I was more than halfway finished. I probably needed another uppercut straight to that cunt's jaw. But, the unthinkable happened. You wouldn't have guessed it. 30 seconds after going through the second greatest thing in my life, a cockroach flew straight at me like a bullet. I dodged, and it got my controller. Out of instinct, I threw my controller away, and stood up. In the most horrifying 5 seconds of my life, I saw the cockroach firmly looking at me, hell bent on attacking me and at the same time, I saw Isaac Frost knocking the teeth out of virtual me.

And just like that, virtual black version of me, was down on the ground, unable to answer the 10 count.

I had lost it all. All thanks to a fucking cockroach. WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE TO EXIST?!?
Bare in mind that this is a delayed post, I was supposed to post this 15 days ago when I first wrote it, and I still have yet to knock that asshole down again amidst great effort being put in. I lost my chance, the chance that only comes once in a lifetime, all thanks to a puny little creature.

Mate, you are one lucky bastard, I don't normally dedicate a post to someone, so you're probably the first person to receive that honor. I wanna take this time to personally tell you to fuck off, because you have no reason to live, your only reason for existence is to annoy the fuck out of people. Worst part of all is, you have a higher chance of surviving a nuclear bomb than me. What's the freaking point? It's not like you and your pals are gonna build cars and skyscrapers to make this world a better place. GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!!

Ps : Sorry dad, I know you're reading this, but this situation warrants this much amount of profanity.

Dirty

If there's one thing I've learned from my short stint in Ballbucks FC, a semi-professional football team, it's that you need to embrace the dark side in order to achieve glory.
I'm not talking in general though, cause I doubt you can play dirty to win in say, golf. That's unless if you beat up your opponent to a bloody pulp to force him to forfeit the game. So, I'm only gonna talk about football, because I've mastered the art of playing dirty to win.

Yes, I have mastered it, from tugging my opponent's shirt,
to diving to win a penalty or a foul,
all the way to constantly appealing every single decision to the ref,
I've done it all. (Though I have not been successful in appealing to the ref. The ref asked me to shut up or I'll get booked. I had no choice)

However, I would like to make it clear that I have never grabbed an opponent's balls before, because that is too disgraceful in my opinion. Plus, the ref can't really protect me, what the hell can he do if 15 raging players charge at me? Why would he wanna protect me, those players are doing him a favor by attacking me.

However, I wasn't always like this. I used to enjoy playing clean. Well, that was probably because I was 40 pounds lighter, and I wasn't even able to embrace the dark side, but I had a different mentality back then. I used to abhor all these dirty players, which is why I supported Arsenal, they played sexy football, though they were not without their faults.
Nevertheless, they were "The Invincibles" back in '04. They went a season unbeaten. They had Thierry Henry who could score from all angles. I was attracted, cause they weren't very physical, barring their captain, and probably some of the centrebacks. But they still played football that was pleasing on the eye.

Then, slowly, they started losing their players, and then their games. Fast forward 7 years from that glorious year, Arsenal have gone 5 years without a trophy, and none of their players look like they can lift 100 pounds.

Is it a coincidence?
No. The history books remember the scoreline, not how the game went down. It doesn't matter how you win, the records book remember winners, not losers. Which side are you on?

Be scared.. be very scared...

As a result of the recent spike in supernatural stories that I've heard from my homeboys, partially due to the fact that we went out together to watch Karak, a horror movie about the one and only Karak highway, I've decided to try my hand at writing about my own experience with the underworld creatures. ( wow, what a complicated sentence. never mind, if you couldn't crack the code, I basically said I wanted to write about my own scary experience )

I'm gonna try something different here. There aren't gonna be any pictures, barring the clown down here. It's not gonna be your typical horror story told by me. It's gonna be a horror story told in a unique way. In a way that you've never read before. I don't really know what they call it, cause I used to skip English class cause I thought I was better than the rest of the pack, but in Bahasa they call it "Monolog Dalaman." Yeah, you get the drill.

So, turn off the lights, go to youtube and search for "The Amytiville Horror Theme Song," bring an empty bottle in case you get too scared, call your brother to accompany you, go make some popcorns, close that facebook tab of your crush, she's not even into you, and enjoy the ride...

Saturday, 4th June 2011.
Fuck this shit, I'm bored. My brother's asleep because he has to get used to waking up early, his finals starts next week. My parents are asleep too, they just got back from Bali. My maid's downstairs, what she's doing is beyond me. I bet she's asleep too. Doesn't matter, I'm enjoying this new found freedom that allows me to sleep whenever I want. I wasn't able to do this last week because of college. Now it's done, the word assignment has no place in my dictionary, it's either stuck up my ass, waiting for its turn to be pushed down to oblivion or already in the toilet bowl.

AHH SHIT, boredom gets the better of me. Being online is making me feel depressed. I refreshed twitter like 6 times in the space of one minute. I have nobody to talk to, no one's online. Not even a single chick in my online chat list. Not even a single interesting dude to talk to. Blog Serius and Oh Tidak aren't gonna be updated around this time. Foursquare doesn't allow me to check in 10 times in 1 minute. Looking at pictures of awesome cars won't make any difference in my quest to obtain them. Might as well go downstairs to look for food, at least these muscles get fueled up.

Holy shit, it's dark down there. Who the hell closed the light? Doesn't the maid know I haven't eaten the chicken she grilled for me? Fuck's sake. Better go get my iPhone, no way I'm going down there like this, I can't see a single thing. I might step on Cody (Cody is my brother's pet guinea pig) for God's sake! ( if I do this, my brother will run me down with his car until I no longer possess the ability to talk about myself anymore )

You gotta be kidding me? I paid 3000 bucks for a device that can't double as a torchlight? The only way to do that, is by putting it in video mode? Hell no, we all know cameras can capture all these supernatural shit. A, ah, no way I'm doing that. The ghost from Karak might appear on my screen and I'll be forced to drop this baby down to the ground. Hell to the no, I paid 300 bucks just to repair the screen three weeks ago, if the screen cracks again, I'm gonna be forced to work in 7 E, cause that's probably the only place they'll accept me.

So, where did I put the torchlight? Du du du du du, AHH COME ON?! It's downstairs?! Whose brilliant idea was that!? What are the odds of me being stuck downstairs trying to get upstairs at night? This isn't my day. What did I do? Is it because of the kid I called fat just now? I've always thought he was different. He looks.. suspicious. Like he might keep a doll of me at home and try to possess me with it. Oh well, screw it, I'm going down. Ain't no way some puny female ghost is gonna harm me. These guns weren't made for showing off!

Holy shit, what's that? I saw something move! I swear I saw it! Oh god, save me, sorry for missing my prayers just now. And yesterday, and the day before. And.. OKAY! I'm sorry!! What is it? What is it!?! Okay, calm down Shafiq. Probably was a gush of wind, or.. or probably a cockroach, some of them can fly. Probably this one's pissed cause I killed its Uncle Jimmy just now. I should go for the light, these things freak out when there's too much light, they only like it when it's dark.

HAAA! FUCK YOU! TOLD YOU I'D WIN! BOO YALL! No puny cockroach is gonna ruin my day! Ahh, I better go to the kitchen fast, this is tiring. Hey wait, why is the kitchen light on? Is the maid awake? If yes, then why is there no light emanating from her room? Oh well, she probably forgot about it or something, there's no such thing as ghosts, these things only exist in the movies.
There is it! The refrigerator! Ermm 100 plus, orange juice.. lalala what should I have... I should wash my hands first.

BOOM!
What the hell was that!? It came from the living room. I'm facing the other way. I don't wanna turn around.. Everybody knows that when you turn around completely, a headless monster appears right before you.. Oh boy oh boy, but I can't stand like this forever. I should take a peak from the corner of my eyes by turning my body slightly sideways.

OMG, I saw it! It's big, it's tall, slightly taller than me, my god, worse comes to worst, how am I gonna battle this being? I didn't get a good look at it though, not sure whether it has a head or not, or whether it's bleeding or not, or whether it's smiling or not, or even whether it's looking at me or not. All I know is that it's standing there motionless, waiting for my next move.
Okay.. gather my thoughts, don't panic.. Don't panic.. Think logically, it could be my mind playing tricks on me.
It's been one minute of me standing like an idiot, I should do something about it. I still know some verses from the Quran, I never skipped Islamic studies classes before.
I should turn around.
This is it.

"What the hell are you doing?"
That creature says, rather quietly. Its voice sounds familiar, but I can't really recall. It references from where it came from. This is the real deal. It's Satan in another form. I'm pretty sure of it. However I now know that this being can speak English, at least I can communicate with it. Thank god it's not one of those ghosts from the Japanese Invasion, those are brutal beings. I once heard a story from my former school guard that they march together, headless. Cool.
EH! Focus! Focus Shafiq! I'm ready. I'm ready. I can do it. I think I'm ready to battle this demonic creature. THIS IS IT!
I turn around.

-----------------------------------------------

It's my brother.

That's 10 minutes you're not gonna get back.

College

After a 1-month hiatus, I am back. Well, it can't really be considered a hiatus, I blog only twice a month actually. Nevertheless, I am back by popular demand, because it's pretty obvious people have missed my stories which most of the time are exaggerated and do not make perfect sense.

But this time, it is going to be different. What I'm about to tell makes perfect sense, and is in no way made up. It's about my 10-month stint in Sunway University (formerly known as Sunway University College)

Yes, yes, I know.
"Dulu kata benci, sekarang suka lak? Buto sial kau!"
"Ni lah dia bangsa kita, kejap suka, kejap tak suka!"

Before you start bashing on me, hear me out. It's true, I used to hate the place. I used to take every opportunity to run away from the place, without being caught by my parents or brother. I even resorted to lying to my lecturer to get out of college.

"Sir, I have my driving test later, can I be excused?"
"Sir, I have to pick up my car in Glenmarie, can I leave class early?"
"Sir, I'm suffering from what appears to be the worst diarrhea in the 21st century, can I.. Sir! I gotta go!!"

Okay, the last one may be a lie, but then you get my point right?
I hated the college with a passion. For what reason?

Well, for starters, I figured that there were alot of fake people. Y'know, people with fake accents, people who kiss the lecturer's ass(not literally though), people who thought they owned the college just because they hung out with the cool clique,etc. I didn't get it, but it all started to unravel this semester.

No, I do not have a fake accent, and I do not kiss the lecturer's ass (occasionally though, if I'm desperate for marks. eg. "Hahaha! What a joke sir! You should be a comedian!") and I also know that I do not own the college. But I have learned to accept these people no matter how much I hate them because that's what it takes to survive in this society.

For example, if I acted like how I felt like at any given moment, I probably would've been sent to prison for attempted murder (yes, I do hate someone THAT much). And, if I did so, I probably would've been expelled from college.

Though some bad things have happened from me accepting this society, for example;

*dude comes within 0.5 metre of me*

"hey Ruslan (I have to accept people calling me Ruslan because the lecturer does it) , do we need to pass up this assignment?"

Now, that normally would be a routine question that can be answered by a single no, or yes, but in this guy's case, it's different. It's evident that he uses shit for his toothpaste, and I, at that moment was having difficulty breathing due to that, but I had to accept the fact that I cannot lock him in a submission hold just because he shits through his mouth, so I coolly say,

"No"
Though I was not sure whether we were supposed to pass up that assignment, because my brain was too busy processing how bad his breath was.

That was the first part, accepting the fact that not everybody are straightedge, not everybody sing songs that mock the hell out of you, yet doesn't piss you off, instead, makes you laugh for 10 minutes, not everybody can talk about absolute bullshit for one whole hour, not everybody can laugh if you just farted near them and most importantly, not everyone can understand your inside jokes.
(in case you college people find out about this blog, this is what I've been preaching for the past month or so. straightedge. go google it)

In a nutshell, you can't mold someone into being who you want them to be, and you can't show your true colors to some dude who you just knew for a month or two, assuming you guys weren't soulmates who were destined to be together. And that's what my course wants us to do(not the soulmate part). The duration of a semester is only 4 months. You can't expect someone to start blurting out his personal problems to a dude he just barely knew.

Truth be told, these people in my college are just transitional friends, people who I may or may not meet after college ends, though most likely I may not see them for the rest of my life, which makes it sort of depressing. Scratch that, I am not gonna meet these dudes whom I have spent most of my time with in the past 4 months, and there ain't a damn thing I can do about it.

I hope you guys don't find out about my blog.

On the bright side, I'm gonna be done with my foundation year.
On the.. urmm.. dark side(?), dad's gonna read this and he's gonna find out about how I skipped classes last semester.
Whatever, I still scored an A.

Hip Hop

Back when I was 10, I remember vividly tuning into MTV almost daily to keep up with the new songs that the media deemed to be cool. And I accepted everything MTV threw at me, backstreet boys, Westlife, blue, NSYNC etc. (come on, just admit it, everyone loved them back then) I was such a huge fan of NSYNC, I even remember buying their album. Heck, I even remember dancing to their song. I was a kid, nothing wrong with that.

Then, something different found its way into the top 10 charts. "In Da Club," a song by a rapper called 50 cent. . Surprisingly, he got my attention, which did not please my mum too much. I was impressed with him, he got shot 9 times and is still alive and well. I barely understood what he was singing, but the song got into my head and his album become the second and last album I bought, because back then I had limited access to the internet, so the only way to listen to his songs was to get his album, and I enjoyed my purchase. Words like nigga and hoes made its way to my vocabulary and I was hooked up with hip hop music. (I thank God I never used the 'n' word back then because I had an African friend who was my age when I was in primary school. He loved Fiddy too) I was even influenced by the way he dressed up. I looked stupid with my oversized tees but back then society accepted it. If I try it now I'll probably be laughed at. He was jacked back then, which probably was one of the reasons I ventured into bodybuilding. (not really bodybuilding, I don't juice myself up with testosterones, that shit's crazy)

But hip hop got to me, and I started listening to other hip hoppers, or in other words, rappers.

Then, I started listening to Eminem, and I became a huge fan. This guy was different, he was white but he talked and acted like he was black. And I was able to understand what he was saying, but didn't realize how deep his messages were because I was too young. I wasn't able to decipher what he meant. That's why I became such a massive fan, I even memorized some of his songs. That might sound like nothing but try memorizing a hip hop song and if you tell me it was easy, I'll show you a liar. Then, rock music found its way into my head, and I neglected rap, severing all ties with it. I denied having any history with rap and joined the likes of avenged sevenfold and guns n roses in the rock n roll express. I turned my back on hip hop music. Oversized tees were discarded, and replaced with tight fitting clothes designed to show off the muscles I had work so hard to gain. Baggy jeans were thrown away, replaced with normal jeans that most normal people wear. Muscle tees were a staple in my closet. I had just made the transition from being Lil' Shaf to M.Shafiq (based on avenged sevenfold's vocalist, M.Shadows)

*for the record, I never called myself Lil' Shaf, I just put that in to emphasize the seriousness of the transition

Then, for years, I was away from rap. I listened to all kinds of shit, classic, rock, blues, etc. But now, I have returned to my roots. I am officially a hip hop fan, again. This does not mean the death of XS-sized tees, I still wear them on a daily basis, but I have came back to the hood that I once grew up in (this actually does not make any sense at all)

What made me came back, you ask?
As some of you might know, I am a songwriter, for stupid songs designed to poke fun at my friends. After producing several songs (mostly pop or rock), I decided to switch genres. I decided to rap about my friends, dissin' them in the process. But I found it difficult. I found it impossible to do without picking up a pen and jotting down the lyrics before I sang it. It was impossible to remember the lyrics I had created myself, even though I'd done that plenty of times before this.
And by the time I reached the second verse, I was, for the first time in my life, out of ideas.

How could this be?
A guy who talks crap and tells lie like it's counting 1 to 10 can't think of words to diss his homies?
I was clueless as to what to write, so I went online, and typed Eminem, and a few of my favourite songs came out. This was when I truly appreciated how hard it was to create songs which consists of more than 300 words out of nothing. On top of that, the words had to rhyme!

But, I wasn't gonna side down and wallow,
crying buckets in my sorrow,
because Eminem was one tough act to follow,
instead, I put on my swagger,
still holding onto my wagger,
and started talking like a nigger.

Damn I still have it.

11/3/11, the day my soul died

Day 1

If you are reading this, then I have survived a tsunami scare, and I am still alive come 13/3/2011. This is not a joke, this is a real life ordeal I'm going through and I am blogging to try and get my brain tired enough to sleep. I am alone on this island, pulau perhentian. Well, not really alone, but I am without my friends. I'm only accompanied by my diving instructor and my diving colleagues. I was supposed to come here with my brother but he had to cancel at the very last minute because of his classes.

I have just reached this island and I've successfully completed two dives before my dive colleague informs me of the tsunami in japan. At first I was unfazed but the response from my dive colleagues slightly worries me. My worrying is put to an all time high as I go on twitter where everyone is talking about the tsunami. Scared, I walk out to find Jimmy, a dude who can smell rain, staring straight into the sea. While in my view, nothing's different, he shakes his head, in disbelief. Puzzled, I asked him what's wrong. He tells me that he has never seen the waves coming so far away from the beach, which is an indication of the calm before the storm. That's when I finally realize that where I'm standing now might be my tombstone. I give my mum a call because I received two missed calls from her. I inform her that nothing's wrong because the thing that I least want to do now, is worry my friends and family.

Now, how the hell can I go to bed when the waves are coming in just meters away from my room.( my room is only 10 metres away from the beach) So that leaves me here, all alone in my room waiting for the grim reaper to come in the form of giant waves, if he is coming. If not, then I am going to be under massive psychological stress for the next two days. How am I going to die exactly if the waves come? Struct on the head by a massive object? Or drown to death helplessly. Is it possible that i hang on to something solid until the waves depart? Or is that wishful thinking? Thoughts creep to my head like maggots. It's times like these where you start thinking of your loved ones. And in these times of desperation, you can't help but to think of God, for He is the one who determines when I die and how I'll die, and it's no surprise that I am praying to Him now. I'm going to bed now, in hopes of waking up tomorrow at the same place I am now.

Day 2

I'm still alive. I was awoken by the worst rain ever recorded in pulau perhentian's history. The waves cause massive erosion to the ground and there is a long mini-river created just beside the dive shop as a result. I am officially freaking out. I better go hang out with the rest, I don't wanna die alone.

My dive buddy informs me that the state of alert has been lifted! Bastards, didn't even tell me that there was a state of alert demanding people to stay away from the beach. You cannot imagine how I feel now. The relief I felt when I completed my SPM pales in comparison to the relief I felt when he informed me of the news. I am going to survive.

Day 3.

I am alive and I now have my diving license. Two days ago I thought I was going to die on this island and I created this post because I had trouble sleeping. Actually, I did die, only on the inside. I had lost the will to live and I was thinking of what I deem important in life. The faces of my friends and family came up and now I have a new view on life. Yes, we should live our lives to the fullest but that does not mean that we can neglect our responsibilities, to our friends, our parents, and most importantly, to God, for He can take away anything He desires at the moment when you least expect it.

I thank you for bearing with me throughout this whole post as I understand it is a huge wall of text, and no one loves reading long posts without pictures, but I am trying to make a point, this isn't a laughing matter. I also understand that this isn't even a remarkable story. There was no tsunami. I wasn't even attacked by anything. I was merely shown that I could die at any moment and that was enough to make me think about life again, and value the little things in life.